Adoption: What You Need to Know About Home Studies

Why do agencies perform home studies? For one thing, home studies are required by law in most states, whether you adopt your child through an adoption agency or with the assistance of an adoption attorney (and are always required in international adoptions). Home studies are performed for several other primary reasons:

• To evaluate the prospective adopter's desire and commitment to adopt. This is particularly important when a couple is applying to adopt; both people must want a child. If one partner is just going along with the adoption plan to make the other partner happy, the resulting adoption will not be fair to the child, who needs a complete, committed family.

Adopterms

The home study is a process that includes interviewing prospective parents, talking to them in their homes, checking their references and reviewing medical, financial, and other relevant information. Criminal records checks and child abuse clearances are also usually performed. The home study might take a day, a week, a month, or longer, depending on the agency.

• To explore the reasons why the prospective adopter wants to adopt. Some adopters may still be grieving over an infertility problem. Others have lost young children—an agonizing loss—and are seeking a replacement child. The adopters need sound reasons for wanting to adopt: They have accepted their infertility and are eager to become parents. Or they want to give a child who's “already here” a happy home life. There are lots of other good reasons, too.
• To evaluate the prospective adopter as a possible parent. How can a social worker know if you'd be a good parent if you've never had a child before? She can't. She has to go by the information you provide and the information she obtains from your references.
• To educate the prospective adopter about adoption (and possibly about the child he or she is seeking to adopt). With some agencies, this aspect may be small or nonexistent; other agencies provide reading lists, arrange meetings with birthparents and adopted adults, and do more to help the prospective adopter understand adoption.
• To give the prospective adopter a chance for self-evaluation. The home study practically forces prospective adopters to evaluate themselves as future parents. They engage in a learning process that can be scary, but also personally fulfilling.
• To check background, criminal records, and financial resources.

Get Your Application In

After you've selected an adoption agency or your adoption attorney, you don't just jump into the home study the next day. First, most agencies require you to fill out an application and pay a fee (about $250-$500, although some agencies charge less or more) to process it.

What's involved with the application? The agency needs to know basic information: who you are, where you work, if you have kids already and how old they are, and so forth.

If you work with an adoption attorney, she will also have many questions for you and may request a retainer in the beginning of the process. (The amounts that are requested vary greatly.)

Getting On Your Case

After the application stage, the agency can move you into the more involved home study phase. And if you work with an attorney (assuming that your state requires a home study, as most do), the attorney should recommend agencies that can perform your home study. The home study will be performed by a social worker or caseworker assigned to your case.

One sad truth is that social workers rarely receive much, if any, training on adoption and related issues in graduate school. As a result, sometimes the social worker doing your home study may know less about adoption than you do. Generally, a new social worker in this situation will be supervised by a more experienced social worker, and you will both learn the process together. If, however, you have some concerns about your social worker, you can always ask her for a joint meeting with her supervisor. However, it's better to try to work with her before going over her head, so as not to alienate her.

Home Sweet Home

Although the check of your residence isn't the most critical issue in a home study, a social worker will (or should) examine your home to see whether it is reasonably clean and safe and whether there is a place (or a plan for a place) for the child to live. Social workers normally don't look inside your kitchen cabinets to see whether your pots and pans are neatly arrayed, nor will they check your medicine cabinet in the bathroom to see whether you have any interesting drugs in there.

Social workers also want to see you in your home to get a feel for how you and your family members interact with each other in the comfort of your own home.

Although your home doesn't have to be picture perfect for the visit, it should appear to be a safe place for a child. Here are a few things you should check before the social worker comes to your home:

• Fix any safety hazards, such as cords lying around. If you have stairs, make sure you have a plan to gate them off so they are safe for a young infant or toddler.
• Make sure you have at least one smoke detector on every floor.
• Make sure you have a plan to lock up poisonous household chemicals and other hazards.
• If you have a swimming pool, make sure you have a plan to have it fenced and gated for controlled access (if it isn't already).

Visiting Hour

When the social worker comes to your home, keep in mind that she or he is a professional who is on the job. This is not the time to invite a friend or family member to stop by. (If they come over unannounced, tell them it's not a good time and arrange to see them later.) Should you offer the social worker any refreshments? Sure, offer something to drink, like coffee or ice water. However, don't spend a great deal of time beforehand creating fancy appetizers or elaborate dessert creations. The social worker is there to do a job.

What can you expect to be asked about? Usually the questions fall into the categories of why you want to adopt (and if you're infertile, the worker will probably want to explore this issue), what you do for a living, what your hobbies are, and any other questions that might give the social worker a picture of who you are. Here are some questions that you may be asked (and not in this order!):

• When did you start thinking about adoption? Why?
• Are you infertile? How do you know?
• How did you and your spouse (if you're married) meet each other? What drew you together then? How has your relationship changed?
• Have you gathered any information about adoption? What have you learned?
• Do you both (if a couple) want to adopt?
• How do you think a child would change your career? Your marriage? Your life in general?
• What do you have to offer a child?
• Do you know anything about birthparents? If so, what do you know?
• How do you feel about birthparents in general?
• Do your parents and other relatives know you want to adopt? Why or why not? If they know, how do they feel about it?
• Do you think adopted children should be told about being adopted? Why or why not?
• How will you afford the adoption fees?
• What is the greatest advantage to adopting a child? What is the greatest disadvantage?
• What are your hobbies and interests? Will you need to adapt them in some way after you adopt? If so, how?
• How will you feel if the adopted child turns out to be very different from you?
• What would be a “perfect” adoption experience for you?
• Do you think you will continue fertility treatments at the same time you seek to adopt? If so, why?

Be friendly and polite but remember that this is an evaluation process. Answer questions honestly—many adoption professionals say they hate it when applicants lie to them, and sometimes this can be a reason to turn an applicant down.

This doesn't mean you should bare your most personal secrets (for example, you tried marijuana once when you were 16). You should, however, be forthright about matters that can be checked (for example, if you were arrested and charged with drug use as an adult 10 years ago) or that continue to cause you problems.

The biggest “enemy” in the home study process is probably your own fear. Tracy and Steve, an adoptive couple I know, remember that they didn't have milk in the house when the social worker came over: He thought she had bought milk and she thought he had. But neither did. So when the social worker asked for milk with her tea, oops!

Both were convinced they had failed. Tracy thought that this lapse would be seen as a failure to communicate in her marriage and a lack of competence at running a household. “We actually agonized about this for days and didn't relax until we got the okay weeks later!” says Tracy. “Now we joke about it, and the social worker, who we still know, claims she didn't even remember asking for milk—she prefers lemon!”

Your Other Children

If you already have other children, expect the social worker to ask about them and also to interview them, if they are old enough (usually over age five). If you have adult children, the social worker might want to talk to them, too.

The best way to prepare your children is to tell them that you want to adopt and why you want to adopt. Also assure them that you will still love them and not provide exclusive attention to the adopted child. (Note: Adult children need to know this, too!)

Your Pets

I'm not kidding here: The social worker will want to see any pets you have to determine their compatibility with children. This is probably a good time to take a hard look at whether you really want to keep Brutus, your pet pit bull. (I know I am risking the wrath of pit bull lovers everywhere, who swear they are the nicest, kindest creatures on God's green earth. But you'll have to ask yourself: How badly do you want to adopt?)

Don't worry that the social worker is a dog person and you love cats or hamsters or whatever. If your pets look well cared for, relatively clean and happy, that should be enough. Just keep them from jumping all over the social worker when she visits.

Excerpted from The Complete Idiot's Guide to Adoption © 2004 by Christine Adamec. All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Used by arrangement with Alpha Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

To order this book visit the Idiot's Guide web site or call 1-800-253-6476.