Baby Names: Dealing with Family Demands
What's in a Name
Couples who practice the Islamic faith often choose names derived from those of the prophet Mohammed, or from members of his immediate family. This is one of the reasons why the name Mohammed, along with all its variants, is one of the most common names in the world.
Misnomers
If you're a member of a family that honors male relatives by passing on their names, make sure you keep the generational lines straight by assigning the correct numeral or designation after your son's name. For instance, if you're naming your male baby after a grandfather and there's no one in the intermediate generation who carries this name, he'll be Barnabas Lewis Jones II, not Barney Jones Jr.
If you haven't crossed this bridge yet, believe me, you will. Even the most hands-off and least meddlesome of families generally desire some level of involvement when it comes to assigning names to the next generation. If you're a member of a close-knit family, you can be sure that you'll get lots of input on what your new little tike should be named, ranging from subtle hints to full-frontal attacks.
No doubt about it, there's a certain ownership factor that comes into play when a family member is pregnant. Cultural and religious considerations aside, families often feel pride and a sense of honor over the names that are part of their history and heritage, and they often want those names to be carried forward to future generations.
It won't hurt you to listen to Uncle Luther's tales about your great-great-great Uncle Luther, the circuit preacher who has been honored in your family by subsequent generations of Luthers. Nor will it hurt you to be open to the other suggestions that will undoubtedly be proffered by your well-meaning relatives. In fact, you may hear some pretty interesting stories and learn some things you never knew about your ancestors.
Welcome to the Diplomatic Corps!
Misnomers
Sometimes no matter how open you are with your family, you still find yourself in the middle of a tug of war. If you don't want to get into discussions or arguments with your relatives, don't tell anyone what name you've decided on until after your baby's born and his or her name is on the birth certificate.
None of this, however, means that you have to take the advice of any family member—or anyone else, for that matter—when it comes to naming your baby. In striking your own path, though, you may find yourself exercising diplomatic skills that you never knew you had. And if you decide to break with any long-standing family traditions, you may even have to dodge a bullet or two.
Once again, keep this important fact in mind: the name you select must be something that you like and that you feel will suit your baby. There's no way you'll be able to please every family member with your selection. In fact, you may even end up irritating a few (or more) of them. Unless this is a factor that will get you banned from Grandma's Thanksgiving table, then you shouldn't let anything a family member thinks or says deter you from choosing a name that you love.
Is it possible to go your own way on naming your baby and still appease your ever-lovin' family members? It's not only possible, it's even probable. Over the years, expectant parents have devised a variety of very successful approaches to this problem. One, or several, might work for you, too. We'll take a look at some of these methods to help you keep the peace with your clan.
The Art of Compromise
What's in a Name
In Spanish or Latino families, where names are usually taken from the calendar of saints, girls are sometimes all given the first name Maria in honor of the Virgin Mary; each sister is then given a different middle name.
One of the reasons why a baby is so exciting for the families involved is that this new little life is part of a collective heritage and ancestry. Families naturally want names chosen that reflect this very important element of a child's being.
You, too, may want to choose a name that reflects your family's heritage and traditions, but by no means does this mean choosing a staid old ancestral name that was out of fashion decades ago. You may have some beautiful names in your heritage, but if your lineage tends to run to such names as Bertha or Beatrice, it's perfectly understandable, and probably advisable, to look for some suitable names that are a little more contemporary.
You may encounter other family traditions, such as your religious heritage or naming first-born sons after their fathers. You don't necessarily have to follow these traditions, but if you do, there's nothing that says you have to honor them by the letter. Why not consider bending them a little? Doing so may not only solve your immediate problem, it may also set a precedent for which future generations will thank you! What follows are a few ideas for incorporating family names into your child's future tag.
Sandwich it.
If you find yourself in a position where you feel you absolutely have to use a family name that you're not terribly fond of, consider using it as a middle name. Or go ahead and make it your baby's given name, but select a name you really like for the middle name and call your child by that name.
Initial it.
Many families honor deceased relatives by naming their children after them. A variation on this theme—especially if you're not fond of the decedent's name—is to choose a name that starts with the same first letter. Not only does this practice allow more flexibility in selecting a pleasing name, it also can work quite nicely as a naming fashion to be followed for subsequent children, should they appear. And talk about a great diplomatic tactic! Instead of honoring your deceased ancestor with just one child, you may be starting a family trend that pays tribute to him or her with other little ones as well. Another way to do this is to use just the initial of the name as a first or middle name. I have a friend who goes by H. Christopher Clark. The H comes from his father, who was named Harry.
Relate it.
Another way of honoring a family member who has passed away is by choosing or even creating a name that is relatively close to his or her name. I carry a name that was created in this fashion; my grandfather on my father's side (who died many years before I was born) was named Albert, and I, as the first-born grandchild, was expected to have a name that honored him.
My parents were stumped for a feminine version of Albert, so they concocted Alyn (pronounced a-lynn, with the emphasis on the second syllable) for my middle name, merely by adding a feminine-sounding suffix to the first letter of his name. It's an unusual name, but a good solution to what might have been a sticky situation, and in my opinion, a far better name than any of the feminine variations of Albert would have been. (Albertine? Alberta? I don't think so!) I'm sure my grandmother would have loved her first grandchild to bear her dear departed husband's name, but hey, I ended up being a girl. But by coming up with a name that was evocative of my grand-father's name, my parents showed their desire to honor him as well as their wish to make sure that his memory would be cherished.
Translate it.
Use the meaning of the name to select an entirely different name with the same meaning. For example, let's say your favorite great aunt's name was Ethel, which means “noble” in German. Instead of using Ethel, which is pretty out-of-date for either a first or middle name, look for names with similar meaning, either from the same language as the original name or in different ones. Elsa, another German name that means “noble woman,” isn't too bad; there's also Damita, Spanish for “little noble lady”; Audrey (another German name); or even Adelaide, still another German name meaning “noble” (the Germans are clearly big on virtue names!). Along the same lines of using the same meaning, think about the virtues or qualities of a favorite relative and choose a name that reflects these traits.
Double Trouble
What's in a Name
The Jewish custom of naming a child after a deceased relative is normally practiced by the Ashkenazic Jews of Eastern and Central Europe. Sephardic or Mediterranean Jews often name their children after living relatives. The Ashkenazic custom is based on a superstition from the Middle Ages that the Angel of Death may mistakenly take a child away if his or her namesake should die; Sephardic Jews believe that honoring a living relative gives the child a role model or guide.
Misnomers
Chances are there are a few purists in your clan who are dead set on a particular name and won't be happy until they get their way. Giving in to this kind of pressure may seem like the only way to get the situation under control, but remember: This name will follow your child for the rest of his or her life. If you feel it's too out-of-date or just plain bad, gently stick to your guns. You (and your child) will be thankful later.
Some creativity and a willingness to compromise can smooth some egos and ruffled feathers when it comes to upholding family traditions. But what do you do when you have more than one relative pressuring you to use different family names? Maybe your grandmother feels you should use her dearly departed brother's name, but your honey's aunt is equally as staunch about you dubbing the wee one after her husband.
Working toward a middle position or even striking a deal when you have multiple family members competing for a name on the family tree may seem like an impossible situation. However, there are ways to satisfy this predicament and meet the needs of enough people to make the majority of your relatives (and you) as pleased as possible about the name you end up selecting. Here are a few ways of going about it:
- Use several family names, as either a combined first name or as first and second names. Given names, middle names, and surnames can all be possibilities, especially if the last names are ones that also work well as first names.
- Take elements from several possible names and combine them. This is how actress Cybill Shepherd got her name—Cyrus was her grandfather's name, Bill was her father's name; hence, Cy- + -bill = Cybill.
- Create an acronym from initials or letters taken from several names. A string of ancestral names, like Nathaniel Edward Dennis, could become simply Ned.
- Try forming ananyms (reversing the letters) such as Nelle from Ellen. This is tough as most names don't lend themselves well to the process, but it can work. Reversing James, for example, results in Samej. Pronounced sam-EEG and used as a middle name, it may not be too bad.
Excerpted from The Complete Idiot's Guide to Baby Names © 1999 by Sonia Weiss. All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Used by arrangement with Alpha Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
To order this book visit the Idiot's Guide web site or call 1-800-253-6476.
