Behavior Makeover: Homework Battles
Seven o'clock around our house might as well be called "trauma city." It's when our three kids, ages seven, ten and twelve, are supposed to start their homework. In reality it's the time when the arguing, wailing, and pleading start. Sometimes I can't tell who does those behaviors more: my husband and me or our kids. So how do I get my kids to do their homework without a world war?
– Susan, a mother of three from Truckee, California
"But you helped me last week!"
"Can't you write a note and say I'm sick?"
"But I did almost all of it. It's not due until tomorrow morning!"
Research says doing homework enhances not only children's learning but also essential skills they will need to succeed in school and in life, such as organization, problem solving, attention span, memory, goal setting, discipline, and persistence. But sometimes in our quest to help kids succeed, we get carried away and provide too much help. Or maybe we haven't exerted tough enough standards to make sure our kids finish their work as required and do the very best they can.
Eight Strategies to Ease Homework Pains
Use the following strategies as a guide in helping your kid become a more successful and independent learner:
- Create a special homework spot. To help your kid gain a sense of the importance of homework, set aside a special place just for him to work. Any place that has good lighting and is reasonably quiet is fine. Then have your kid help stock it with necessary supplies, such as pens, pencils, paper, scissors. a ruler, a calculator, and a dictionary. If you don't have a desk, store supplies in a plastic bin or box. It will help your kid get organized.
- Know the teacher's expectations. Check with the teacher periodically throughout the year so you're clear on her homework expectations. For instance, when are test dates communicated? When is library day? Are there spelling tests each week? When are book reports due? Are reports to be typed or handwritten?
- Set a routine from the beginning. Select a time that works best for your kid – after school, before dinner, after dinner – and then stick to it. You may want to post your agreement in a visible place. Drawing a clock face of the time is helpful for younger kids.
- Communicate that homework is not an option. From the beginning, maintain a firm, serious attitude. Your kid needs to know that homework has to be done well. There is no choice.
- Teach planning skills. Show your kid how to make a list of what needs to be done each night in order of priority. He can then cross each item off as it is done. A young child can draw a different task on paper strips, put them in the order he plans to complete them, and then staple the packet together. Each time a task is finished, your child tears off a strip until no more remain.
- Offer help only when it's realty needed. If your kid is having difficulties, help her understand the work by making up similar problems and showing her step by step how to do it. Then watch her try to do one on her own. Asking her to show you her completed work at the end of each row or section is another way to ensure she's following the directions correctly but not relying on you for every detail.
- Divide the assignment into smaller parts. Breaking up homework into smaller chunks is often helpful for kids who have difficulty sticking to a task or seem overwhelmed with an assignment. Just tell your child to do "one chunk at a time." You can increase the size of the "work chunks" gradually as your child's confidence increases.
- Set a consequence for incompletion. If you find out the homework isn't getting done, and done with [he quality you expect, announce a consequence. For instance, if work isn't finished by a predetermined time (ideally, the same time each night), your child knows he will lose a desired privilege either that evening or the following day.
Talk to other parents. How do they feel about their kids' homework load? Ask what tips (if any) they have for minimizing nightly homework hassles. If you know parents of kids in your child's class, find out how their kids are managing the assignments. Do they think the tasks are too hard, too easy, or just right. This information will help you assess your kid's abilities.
Now it's time to take action to begin making over your kid's behavior. Use your Make over Journal to write down your thoughts and develop your plan.
- Think about the underlying causes of your homework battles. First, determine if your child is really capable of doing the homework. For instance, are the tasks above his abilities? Is he easily distracted? Does he have the skills needed to achieve Success? Writing a list of your concerns will help you develop a plan to deal with them.
- If the tasks are really too difficult (or so easy he's bored), set up a conference with his teacher to find out her or his perspective. Does your child need tutoring? Is the class too hard? Is the reading (or math) group too difficult? What changes can be made to ensure your kid does succeed? Write a plan.
- Think how you are reacting to these battles. Are you hovering, pleading, correcting, signing, bribing, protecting, demanding? if so, how will you change your reaction so it doesn't hinder your relationship with your kid?
- Now comes the big question: How much of the work is your kid doing on his own? Remember that homework is for your kid, not you. Your job is W guide, not do. Reflect on what's not working, and then make a plan to turn it around.
- Reread the eight strategies. Then choose the two that might help your kid the most. Write out the steps you'll take to ensure that you succeed.
- If you find your child is really having a difficult time with homework or your relationship with him is suffering, consider hiring a tutor. Ask your teacher or other parents for recommendations. HINT: Don't overlook a high school student as a possible tutor.
How will you use the eight strategies and the Behavior Makeovcr Plan to help your kid achieve long-term change? On the lines below, write exactly what you agree to do within the next twenty-four hours to begin your kid's behavior makeover.
Makeover Results
All behavior makeovers take hard work, constant practice, and parental reinforcement. Each step your kid takes toward change may be a small one, so be sure to acknowledge and congratulate every one of them along the way. It takes a minimum of twenty-one days to see real results, so don't give up too soon. Remember that if one strategy doesn't work, antoerh will. Write your child's weekly progress on the lines below. Keep track of daily progress in your Makeover Journal.
Week 1
Week 2
Week 3
Resources
Ending the Homework Hassle, by John K. Rosemond (Kansas City, Mo.: Andrews McMeel Publishing, 1990). Demonstrates ways to help kids learn to work on their own and take responsibility for getting the work done themselves.
Seven Steps to Homework Success: A Family Guide for Solving Common Homework Problems, by Sydney Zentall and Sam Goldstein (Plantation, Fla.: Specialty Press, 1999).A guide to help kids achieve homework success by teaching them to do the work with you assisting only if needed.
How to Help Your Child with Homework: Every Caring Parent's Guide to Encouraging Good Study Habits and Ending the Homework Wars, by Marguerite Cogorno Radencich and Joeanne Shay Schumm. (Minneapolis, Minn.: Free Spirit Publishing, 1997). Broken down into subject and age appropriateness, gives ideas galore for parents of elementary and middle school students.
The Homework Handbook: Practical Advice You Can Use Tonight to Help your Child Succeed Tomorrow, by Harriett Cliolden.John A. Friedman, and Ethel Tiersky (Lincoln wood. 111,: Contemporary Books, 1998). Comprehensive treatment of a worrisome topic that offers practical advice to parents.
How to Do Homework Without Throwing Up, by Trevor Remain and Elizabeth Verdick (Minneapolis. Minn.: Free Spirit Publishing, 1997). Hilarious cartoons and text provide helpful homework tips and insights. Ages 9 to 12.
The Study Skills Handbook (Grades 4-8), by Judith Dodge (New York: Scholastic, 1994).Teaches kids strategies they need to be effective and organized learners.
From No More Misbehavin' by Michele Borba, Ed.D. Copyright © 2003 by Michele Borba. All rights reserved. Used by arrangement with John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
Buy the book at www.amazon.com.
