Separation Anxiety and Bipolar Disorder

Many parents of bipolar kids report that their children are still having difficulties separating from them—even at ages seven, eight, nine, and older. Separation anxiety refers to the excessive anxiety that occurs when a child has to leave the home or the person to whom she is very attached. We all know that having problems separating from parents is normal at certain developmental stages. But these children have heightened anxiety at a time when it is no longer age appropriate.

Unlike in other children, this separation anxiety extends well beyond the first few weeks of school. It can go on for weeks, months, or even years. Some children, though they may not seem upset over being away from their parents, may not want to be away from home. They refuse to go on sleepovers and may not even want to go to different parts of their own house alone. They dream and worry about separation from their families and are often extremely fearful that something bad will happen to a family member. Eight-year-old James, for instance, regularly refused to go to bed by himself and demanded a parent be with him as he fell asleep. Around three or four in the morning, he would go into his parents' room and say he had had a bad nightmare and was afraid to be alone.

Some kids sleep in sleeping bags, on sofas, on the bedroom floor, or even in the hallway outside their parents' bedroom door because they cannot separate. At times, the child is so scared and hysterical (an indication of being genuinely terrified) that he becomes physically violent if the parents try to get him to stay alone in his room.

If you think about it, this makes more than a little sense. If you had scary, violent dreams (say, a monster burned down your house and killed your whole family), would you look forward to going to sleep alone? As with other facets of Bipolar Disorder, separation anxiety is also somewhat mood dependent. Kids who are more depressed experience much more anxiety. Getting a child to sleep in his own bed when he's depressed may be an uphill battle (remember, think terrified). It will be much easier to work with the child when his mood is more even or elevated. At these times, he can be more flexible and approachable. Keep in mind that it's not that the child doesn't want to stay in his own bed, it's that he may feel that he simply can't.

Excerpted from Bipolar Kids: Helping Your Child Find Calm in the Mood Storm © 2007 by Rosalie Greenberg. All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Used by arrangement with Perseus.

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