The Number of Caregivers for Your Child

by Dr. Kyle Pruett

Lucas' busy day

Lucas is a burly little five-year-old, growing up in a loving family of two working parents with his 16-month-old sister. He wakes up reasonably cheerful, finds his mom and dad, and slowly gets help washing up and dressing for school. He'll need those Flintstone vitamins and an extra bowl of Cream of Wheat because he's got to spend face time with a lot of grown ups today: Four hours of Pre-K with his favorite teacher. Lunch lady time at noon. Pee wee soccer in the afternoon with that pushy coach. And who's waiting for him when he gets home from his busy day at the office? His babysitter! On his average day, he passes through the care and supervision of 12 to 14 adults who know and care about him to highly varying degrees. Is this a good thing or a bad thing for "Lucas, The Busy Little Boy?"

Because of the increasing number of two-job families, parents have to arrange care for their kids from the earliest years. But clinical wisdom and new research show us that young children can become overwhelmed when asked to adapt to the caretaking styles of too many different caretakers.

How many are too many?

Some variety in caretaking experience for young children is good, but too much can make them feel uncertain about what to expect from the world around them, especially if they feel distant from the people looking after them. That is when a child will begin to say, "why should I struggle to control my impulses for you? It's more fun to let it rip!"

What's your child's day care situation like? Too many kids looked over by too few adults? Do you employ a relatively inexperienced baby sitter when you go out? These are daily stresses that may have a lasting effect on your child. Dr. Megan Gunnar, a developmental neurobiologist from the University of Minnesota has been examining certain hormone levels, particularly cortisol (sometimes known as stress hormone, among its many chemical roles), in young children in these marginal childcare settings. She has reported that their central nervous systems have a hard time staying regulated in these circumstances. This is especially worrisome because these early three years are such a critical time in the growth and development of the brain itself.

What are your options?

Try to limit the total caretakers your younger children must interact with on a regular basis. The less easy-going your child, the more important this advice. If your child is under 36 months, there should be no more than a couple of family members and couple of childcare professionals looking after her. The more familiar the care situation is, the more at ease your child will be.

Talk regularly with your childcare providers about how your child is doing socially, emotionally, and not just physically. Ask frequently about your child's moods and social and play experiences, and find out how the staff handles the inevitable meltdowns. If you don't get understandable, detailed descriptions that reflect your own experience with your child, it could mean trouble. If it's home care, try to find time for you or your partner to hang around during caretaking time and get a closer look at what goes on between your child and the caregiver.

Competitive feelings are common when your child enjoys quality care. Be prepared to feel some envy when your child thrives in the care of another adult. If you are fortunate and you have done your job, you will be lucky to have this problem. It is a sign that your child is handling the right number of cooks, and is beginning to develop a discriminating palate. Discuss these feelings with your partner, or with the care provider. Otherwise, count your child lucky.