Emotional and Abstract Thinking in Your Child

Building logical bridges

Connecting Ideas
The dialogues that you'll soon be sharing with your child will be far richer and more logical than ever. You may even feel a pang when you realize how grown-up she is starting to sound. However, her new ability to spin wonderful stories and share fascinating thoughts will surely delight you. She will be connecting her ideas to yours in all sorts of imaginative ways, and even ordinary banter will seem more meaningful.

One day the two of you may be lying on your backs and looking up at a bright springtime sky. Your child may point her finger and cry out, "Oh, Daddy! Look at that cloud! It looks like a big giraffe! See the neck?" You might "oooh" and "ah" over her special cloud, and then point to another, remarking, "How about that puffy one right next to it? I think it looks like a mushroom." Your child may then come up with a story about her giraffe eating the mushroom. Your observations will build off each other's, and even mealtime discussions will develop along more logical lines: "Well, let's see what's in the cupboard. How about a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, sweetheart?" might be met by "No, No! I hate peanut butter and jelly. I want yogurt." When you remark, "Okay, but I don't remember which kind you like," she might fasten you with a knowing look and say, "Silly! You know I only like pink yogurt."

Such simple, related statements, uttered during her daily conversations and pretend-play sessions with you, let you know that your child is now thinking. Initially, these remarks consist of fairly straightforward statements, and contain few questions or complex ideas. Soon, though, your child will be ready for a more advanced kind of bridge building between her ideas and yours.

Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How
One way to help your preschooler build logical bridges is to pose questions that gently challenge her to consider your own ideas. But answering and raising who, what, where, when, how, and why questions are difficult and sophisticated skills for your little girl to master. Up until this point in her development, your child hasn't been able to easily sequence numerous ideas in her mind in quick succession, so when you posed questions, she often ignored you and went about her business. Now, however, she can create more complex connections between her ideas and yours. When you ask her, "What did you do at Grandpa's today?" she is able to visualize herself in another place and time and report back to you about her activities: "I played in the sprinkler and ate popcorn." You'll be hearing a lot of questions, too, and she'll demand that you respond to them. When she asks you a question like "Do I have to wear socks today?" you'll know that she's becoming increasingly able to manipulate ideas in her mind into logical summaries of her past behavior or future plans of action.

How exactly does your child do this? Over time, she has come to rely on your ability to read and respond to her ideas. Because she feels secure and comforted by the familiar rhythms of interacting with you, she will remain focused on your responses. She will eventually see how they link up to her ideas, and may actually visualize the images and feelings captured by your words. When you notice your child regularly answering what or where questions, and then posing some herself, you'll know that she's starting to be a real emotional thinker. She'll probably start answering what and where questions before why ones, because these questions refer to actual objects or places ("What toy would you like to play with?" "Where have you put Mommy's purse?"). Next, she'll probably start answering how questions, because they relate to functions and kinds of behavior that she has already experienced ("How do you fasten the snaps on your shirt?" "How shall we fix the doll's wobbly head?"). Soon, when questions will be answered as well as posed, since your child is now acquiring a sense of time.

Why questions are the hardest ones for your child to answer because they require her to examine the less than obvious roots of her own wishes, desires, or feelings. You'll find that your three- or four-year-old will initially answer why questions in a very simple, concrete manner ("Why did you throw your sandwich on the floor?" "Because I wanted to!"). Such responses don't necessarily mean that your child is being stubborn or belligerent; she's answering the best way she can. She's new to abstract thinking, and it may be months yet before she's able to survey her behavior and hold ideas in her head long enough to explain her underlying reasons: "Because I hate bologna and you should have remembered that!"

For this reason, a question such as "What do you want to do outside?" is an easier one to answer than "Why do you want to go outside?" If your three- or four-year-old has trouble with what questions, offer her a multiple-choice question: "Do you want to play on the swings or the slide or the teeter-totter?" If your child finds it hard to deal with multiple choices, make one of the alternatives so ridiculous that she'll probably break into giggles: "Do you want to play on the swings or go capture some ostriches?" When she answers you, you can rephrase her answer in a "why" format: "Oh, to swing-that's why you want to go outside!"

Your child's eventual ability to answer your "Why do you want to go outside?" question with "Because I want to play" is a far more sophisticated response than you might think at first. Her words reveal that she must clearly have a sense of an "I," or independent self, as well as an awareness that she has an inner desire, or "want," plus an idea for an action that will satisfy that desire in the near future, "to play." The fact that she can combine these ideas and concepts and build off your own ideas is an exciting indication that her thinking is growing increasingly complex.

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