Why Is My Baby Crying?

Crying is your newborn baby's primary means of communication. Babies do not cry, as your grandmother might say, "just to exercise their lungs." Whenever your baby is not crying, you can generally assume that he doesn't need anything. Whether he is asleep or awake, silence usually signals contentment. But when he needs something, your baby lets you know in the only way he can: He cries.

Different cries, as you will soon recognize, mean different things. A steady, rhythmic cry that rises to a peak every second or so may signal hunger. By contrast, a louder and more intense cry that lasts up to four or five seconds per cry, punctuated with silences as he desperately refills his lungs, probably indicates pain or hurt of some kind.

It's up to you to find out what your baby needs when he cries. Fortunately, with young babies, the possibilities are not endless. When your baby cries, he's probably telling you that he feels:

• Hungry
• Tired
• Uncomfortable or hurt because of gas, a full diaper, diaper rash, injury, cold, overheating, and so on
• Afraid
• Lonely or bored
• Frustrated or angry

Some babies appear to cry for no reason at all, but this apparent meaninglessness may be due to their limited ability to communicate and our limited ability to understand them. But just because we don't understand what they're saying doesn't mean that our babies aren't trying to tell us something.

Help!

Until your baby is about three months old, she cannot anticipate her needs. So when she cries, she's not saying, "I'm getting hungry," or "I'm getting tired." She's shouting, "I'm starving!" or "I'm exhausted!" Your baby is trying to alert you to immediate and pressing needs, so don't ignore her when she cries.

Some parents fear that they will spoil their babies if they respond "too quickly" to crying. You may think that if you give her what she wants, she'll just want more. But your baby doesn't merely want you, she desperately needs you-and the nourishment, love, care, and attention you can provide. How can you spoil her by giving her what she needs?

If you respond quickly and effectively to your baby's cries, then she'll know that her attempts to communicate were successful. This knowledge has immediate and long-term benefits. As she grows to trust that you will take care of what ails her, your baby will cry less often and for shorter periods. And later in life, your baby will likely be more outgoing and develop good communication skills.

By contrast, if you ignore your baby's cries and deny or delay gratification of her needs for attention and care, she may become withdrawn and shy throughout her life. In addition, studies suggest that she will probably cry more often and for longer periods during her first year.

So pick her up right away, look for the cause of her crying, and try to comfort her. The sooner you figure out what your baby needs and take care of the problem, the sooner she'll become quiet and happy.

Try to stay calm. If your baby won't stop crying, that's her way of saying, "No, that's not it." Panic, frustration, tension, or anger won't bring you any closer to understanding what your baby needs. What's more, your baby will sense your negative emotions and respond to them. How? By crying, of course. So remain calm, if possible, and try everything in your repertoire.

Feed Me, Feed Me!

If your baby is crying because he's hungry, then by all means you should feed him. Don't worry that feeding him "early" might throw him (or you) off-schedule. Your baby is likely to change his feeding schedule from day to day. When he's going through a growth spurt, for example, or when he's learning and quickly mastering a new skill, your baby will probably want to eat more often (and sleep more, too).

Try to feed your baby as soon as he starts to cry. If your baby tires himself out with crying, he may not have the strength to eat enough by the time you decide to feed him. A half an hour or an hour later, he'll start crying for more food and start the cycle all over again.

If your baby is truly hungry, merely sucking on something will not calm him. He needs breast milk or formula. But if your baby is full and apparently still wants to suck, let him. Babies find the simple act of sucking-apart from its value in feeding-remarkably soothing. When your baby is upset, sucking may calm him and eventually even lull him to sleep. So if you're sure your baby has eaten enough, offer him a bottle of water. Or wash your hands and offer him the top third of your pinkie finger to suck on. You'll be surprised how strong your baby sucks.

At three or four months, when your baby develops better hand-eye coordination, you can try to guide his thumb to his mouth for sucking comfort. (Though orthodontists might object to this strategy-especially if thumb-sucking continues beyond age three-a selfsoothing baby is a blessing to his parents.)

Pacifier Pros and Cons

If all else fails, try a pacifier. Pacifiers have a remarkably soothing effect on many babies. If your baby sleeps with a pacifier in her mouth, she may just start sucking when something disturbs her sleep. Indeed, she might not even wake up-and wake you up. Finally, if your baby uses a pacifier, she will probably not develop a thumb-sucking habit.

Yet pacifiers do have their drawbacks. If your baby uses hers regularly-not just for soothing, but as a routine habit-she will be unable to explore the world with her mouth when she gets a little older (one of the primary ways young babies learn).

In addition, your baby-and you-may come to rely on the pacifier too heavily as a soother. If, for example, your baby needs her pacifier to get to sleep, you will have to find it for her whenever she wakes up in the night and can't find it. You also might be tempted to use it as a cure-all instead of getting to know your baby's changing needs. Finally, like any habit, it may take years of effort to get your baby to stop using it once she has started.

If You Do Use Pacifiers...

Here are some tips for parents who use pacifiers:

• Wash and sterilize them often by putting them in boiling water for five minutes.
• Avoid automatically using the pacifier whenever your baby starts to cry. Consider it the soother of last resort.
• Unless your baby is particularly fretful, try using them only at night.
• Scatter several pacifiers around your baby's crib at night to give her a better chance of finding one when she needs it.
• Consider trying to break the habit at about six months-before she is old enough to remember it (and therefore miss it) for very long.

I'm So Tired, I Haven't Slept a Wink

An often overlooked cause of crying is fatigue. If your baby is crying because he's tired, virtually anything you try will fail to soothe him. You may try bouncing your baby up and down, trying to get his attention with a toy, changing his diaper, or feeding him. Still he cries.

If you seem to be running into a brick wall in trying to get your baby to stop crying, consider the possibility of fatigue. Create a warm and peaceful sleep environment for your baby. Rock him gently for several minutes and then place him in his crib or in some other quiet, cozy place. As you cover your baby with a blanket to keep him warm, you may even hear a sigh of relief.

Ouch! That Hurts!

Obviously if your baby gets hurt, she will cry, but discomfort may also cause your baby to cry. The source of your baby's discomfort may be any of the following:

• Gas pains or overfullness. Your baby may have eaten too much or taken in too much air while eating, so her belly aches. Try burping her. If she has gas pains, a big burp might help her feel better. If she ate too much, burping may cause her to spit up, so have a cloth diaper ready. Despite the mess, she'll feel much better after spitting up.
• A full diaper. A wet diaper tends to get cold if it sits for very long. Understandably, your baby may object. A wet or dirty diaper can also cause an uncomfortable rash. Change the diaper and treat the rash, if any.
• Injury. If your baby cries loudly in long bursts (about five seconds each) that seem to rob her of her breath, she's probably hurt. Perhaps a diaper pin came loose and is sticking her. Maybe her bottle is too hot. Or she may have bumped her head. Whatever the source of the pain, your baby first needs comforting. What was she doing when she started crying? This may give you a good clue about how your baby got hurt. Comfort and cuddle your baby first, and then take care of what ails her.
• The temperature. Babies do not conserve heat well. When your baby feels cold, her crying not only communicates discomfort, it also generates some heat to warm her. Feel your baby's hands and feet. If they're cold and she's breathing quickly, warm your baby by holding her close to you, feeding her, adding another layer of clothing, or wrapping her up tightly in a blanket. If, on the other hand, your baby is too hot, take off a blanket or layer of clothing.

Fear and Loathing in the Nursery

Any loud noise, bright light, or sudden movement can startle your baby. If you pick him up or put him down too fast, your baby thinks he's going to fall. In fact, many times when a baby gets hurt, the shock of a sudden bump may cause as much crying as the pain itself.

If your baby seems frightened, pick him up-slowly and gently. Slide your arms under his head and bottom. Talk to him before you lift him and continue talking to him while you pick him up. Remember to support his head until he can support it himself. Then hold your baby close to help him feel warm and safe. Gently rock him and sing or talk softly to him. Or try lying down and laying your baby on top of your chest. The feeling of closeness and the sound of your heartbeat may calm him down. Swaddling also can often help calm a frightened newborn. Wrap your baby tightly inside a blanket to keep him feeling warm and safe.

Nobody Wants to Play with Me!

Your baby may want nothing more than you and your attention. Your baby is a social creature. She likes to command the attention of others-you more than anyone else. If your baby is lonely or bored, she may stop crying if you hold her.

Of course, you can't hold your baby all the time. After all, you have other things to do besides taking care of your baby. So if you need to do some chores while your baby is awake, let her come with you. Prop her up in a baby seat or lay her down on her belly near where you are washing the dishes or making the beds or vacuuming. As you go about your chores, talk to her, describing what you are doing. If your baby still insists that you hold her, try putting her in a carrier. That way, at least you have one or two free hands for your chores.

Aaaargh! and Grrrrrr!

Your baby may cry because he can't satisfy his needs. Perhaps the hole in the nipple of his bottle is too small so he can't get food fast enough to satisfy his hunger. Or maybe you took your baby off the breast or bottle to burp him too soon. Perhaps your timing is off: You want to batheM or change your baby when what he needs most is to eat or sleep, or you put him down when he needs to be held.

In later months, this frustration gives way to anger. Crying will still be his main way of communicating, of course, but with this angry cry, he'll be saying, "Stop that!" or, "You've got the nerve to leave me here!" or, "No, I want it now!" The best solution to your baby's cries of frustration is to try your best to discover and satisfy his needs.

Excerpted from The Complete Idiot's Guide to Bringing Up Baby © 1997 by Kevin Osborn. All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Used by arrangement with Alpha Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

To order this book click here or call 1-800-253-6476.