Make an Honest Promise

by Carleton Kendrick

"But you promised!" How many times have your kids said that to you? The promises we make to our children are the most important promises. Kids believe us when we promise them something.

• We'll play ball in the park tomorrow, I promise.
• I'll read you that book as soon as I'm finished watching the football game, I promise.
• I'm coming to every one of your baseball games, I promise.
• We're going out for pancakes this Saturday, just you and me, I promise.

They really do believe us.

Say what you mean, mean what you say
Saying "I promise" to your children has to mean more than "I'll try" or "We'll see." Too often after we've promised to spend time with our kids, we don't deliver. Oh we say the heartfelt "I really tried but I had so much work to get done," or the always popular "I never promised we'd do that, I said I'd try real hard to do that with you." But they heard you right. You promised.

Kids take you at your word (your promise) until they know your word doesn't mean anything. There are just so many broken promises a kid can take before they stop believing you care. Parents don't tend to see any relationship between all those "little unavoidable" broken promises and their children's lack of trust in them. They should.

Don't make promises you can't keep
If there's a good chance you won't be able to keep a promise, don't make it. Sure, life can get in the way of keeping promises ... sometimes. Kids understand that. What they can't understand is why they're not important or lovable enough for you to do it with them later. Doing it later means you really did want to do it with them in the first place. They'll easily forgive a last minute, understandable cancellation of a promised Saturday morning canoe ride, as long as another canoe ride soon follows. They're forgiving when they know you really wanted to be with them, that you're very disappointed too. My father told me that someone was only as good as his word. In their own way, my children always asked me to keep my word, to be that good. Your kids are only asking the same.

Read Carleton Kendrick's bio.

More on: Manners for Kids (and Parents)