Do's and Don'ts When You're in Court

Trial by Fire: When You're the Witness

As much as you might wish the witness seat would open up and swallow you, you will need to deal with the opposing attorney the best you can. (If your spouse is pro se and questions you himself, his lack of experience could be advantageous to your case.) What can you do when you're looking at a lawyer, but you feel as if you're peering into the mouth of a shark? Some pointers:

• Take your time before answering questions. Think before you speak, and give your lawyer time to object to the question. (This is a good time to have legal counsel by your side.)
• Do not let the lawyer get you riled. Control your emotions.
• If you feel faint, tell the judge you need a break.
• If there's water nearby, pour yourself a cup or ask the judge for some. Do not be shy about making these requests. Just be sure not to interrupt anyone else, unless it's an emergency.
• Keep shaky hands inside the witness box so the lawyer won't know what effect he's having on you.
• Remember to look at the judge and, if appropriate, at your lawyer, in addition to the lawyer who is questioning you.
• Don't be afraid to cry, if your emotions have clearly reached the boiling point. At this time, the judge will probably call a recess, and you'll have a chance to pull yourself together. If you're a man, you probably think you'd never do that, but there will be no adverse consequences should you become emotional during the trial.

Traps You Can Avoid

A trial should be about the pursuit of truth and justice, not about who used what gimmick to “win.” However, you can do things to help your case:

• Visit the courthouse before the day of trial, when a trial is in progress, if possible. You'll feel better knowing you're not stepping into uncharted territory.
• Tell your lawyer everything. If you have a secret bank account and you don't want to tell your lawyer (you're afraid she'll charge you more), keep in mind that your spouse might already know. It will be much worse for you if your lawyer hears about it for the first time while you're on the witness stand being cross-examined.
• Dress appropriately. Our picks: white, Peter Pan-collared blouse with a wide skirt for women; suit and tie for men. If you're a man claiming poverty, a sports jacket (or even a sweater, if you're claiming extreme poverty) with slacks and a business shirt can work as well.
• Leave expensive jewelry at home, unless you're trying to prove that your extravagant marital lifestyle included such trinkets.
• Be sure to bring all the documents needed. Pack them the night before. Bring paper, or ask your lawyer to bring an extra legal pad for you to take or write notes.
• Pause before answering any questions. Give yourself time to think and give your lawyer time to object.
• If you don't understand a question, tell the lawyer you do not understand and ask that it be repeated.
• If your trial involves a jury, look at the jurors when you answer questions, but do not stare at any one juror. You don't want to make any juror feel uncomfortable.
• Be aware that when your side is presenting its case, you're probably going to feel great during the direct examination by your lawyer and maybe even okay during the cross-examination, if your witness can hold his or her own. During the presentation of your spouse's case, you'll probably feel miserable.
• During the trial, get plenty of rest at night.
• When the trial is over, try to put it out of your mind, at least until there is a decision (if you didn't get one at the end of the trial). You might keep thinking about what you should have said differently. Try to forget it.

Ten Common Mistakes You Must Not Make

The following points might seem obvious in the calm of your living room reading this book, but under the stress of the trial, for your sake, they must be subjected to memory.

• Do not make faces, ever. If your wife lies like a rug, do not roll your eyes or shake your head (unless your attorney says it's okay). No matter how much you want to, a judge or jury might think you're being childish or that you're faking your reaction.
• Do not speak out in court. We know an attorney who represented the father during a custody hearing. While the lawyer was at the podium questioning the mother, her client began yelling at his wife to stop lying! When the case was over, the judge ordered the husband to attend an anger workshop. Needless to say, he did not win custody.
• Follow your attorney's instincts. This is a tough one if you've been very involved in planning the strategy of your case and now your lawyer wants to do something you think is wrong. When you're at trial, it's not a good time for the camp to be divided. If you feel very strongly, and there's a sound basis to your thinking, present your idea to your attorney. However, unless you are also an attorney, or you are very certain you are right (which might be based on your knowledge of your spouse), do not give your attorney ultimatums.
• Do not flirt with, excessively smile at, or in any way try to engage the judge or a juror.
• If your trial is by jury, never speak to a juror while the trial is in progress.
• Do not argue with your spouse's lawyer. If you're too angry to speak, wait or take a sip of water before continuing to testify.
• Avoid sarcasm.
• Avoid crossing your arms while you're on the witness stand.
• Don't doodle. The judge or jurors might notice, and it will look as though you just don't care.
• Don't talk to your spouse in court without good reason (scheduling the children, for example). Usually, there's just too much emotion for communication.

Excerpted from The Complete Idiot's Guide to Surviving Divorce © 2002 by BookEnds, LLC. All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Used by arrangement with Alpha Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

To order this book visit the Idiot's Guide web site or call 1-800-253-6476.