What Dads Say About Personality Styles

To further help you and your partner understand his type, here are some comments about the fathering experience from dads with different preferences. Which more closely resembles your husband?

Extraverted or Introverted?

Extraversion

• "I'm happiest with kids who talk openly. Sitting with silence is difficult."
• "I love active, energetic games with the kids - wrestling, chasing, tickling, getting everyone riled up."
• "I should listen, but that's hard. I tend to talk first."
• "I always seem to be over-extended, unable to unhook myself from work, friends, and other commitments that take energy from family."

• "My greatest pleasure is just watching my children."
• "When their mother is around, I usually hang back and let her interact with the kids. When she's away, it's easier to develop my own relationship."
• "All I do is work and family. I have no time or energy for friends or outside interests."
• "I keep a lot inside. I wish I could interact more."

Sensing or Intuitive?

Sensing

• "I enjoy taking care of my kids - baths, washing hair, rocking them before bed."
• "I'm not the primary caregiver. I'm more involved in ball games or agreeing to buy a special toy."
• "For me, quality time is doing something together, like bowling, or apple-picking. I also like to give them some unexpected money once in a while."
• "I tend to see things as good or bad. It's hard to accept differences or shades of gray."

• "I love discovering what's going on in their little minds and being there when they 'get it.'"
• "I think I do a good job helping them see their life issues within a larger context."
• "My favorite times are road trips when we can spend hours making up stories and talking about our ideas and dreams."
• "It's sometimes hard for me to have realistic expectations for their age. I have to remind myself that they are little children, not adults."

Thinking or Feeling?

Thinking

• "My favorite times are when they fight back, argue their point of view, and let me know there is a real thinking person inside."
• "The best part of being a father is watching my children become independent, strive toward goals, and do well academically."
• "I like to teach. Every outing is an opportunity".
• "Sometimes hard decisions have to be made, like discipline. I hate it when that's not interpreted as caring—because it is."

• "I try to be open with my feelings, hoping they'll be open in return."
• "We have an intimate relationship. My daughter can talk to me, just like she does with her mom."
• "While a lot of fathers would like to devote more time to their kids—I do."
• "It's hard being the disciplinarian. Either I'm too permissive trying to be a buddy. Or I go overboard, and I'm volatile and overly punitive. I feel like a wimp or an ogre."

Judging or Perceiving?

Judging

• "I'm the anchor: strong, steady, and always there. When my kids find themselves in a tough situation, they've always got me."
• "My wife sets the house rules Monday through Friday. I try to honor her authority when I'm home on the weekends, but I have other ideas on how to raise the children."
• "It's hard to switch gears from work to family at the end of the day. I do best if I give myself extra time to make the transition from 'work me' to 'family me.'"
• "I'm still learning to accept the limits of my control. It's not like work. I can't make a child do what he doesn't want to do, especially an older child."

• "I won't feel guilty that I didn't spend enough time with my kids. I might regret not spending enough on the hard stuff—like succeeding in school."
• "I'm good at getting kids to try new and different things, whether it's jumping off the diving board or trying an exotic food."
• "I don't have many rules. But when the kids don't respect the few I do have - like 'be honest' - it bugs me. And I'm not sure how firm to be."
• "Sometimes I think I'm too flexible. If I'm not careful, I find myself renegotiating curfew every night."

Excerpted from:

Excerpted from Motherstyles : Using Personality Types to Learn to Parent from Your Strengths © 2006 by Penley and Associates, Inc. All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Used by arrangement with Perseus.

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