Home > School and Learning > By Grade > College > College Life > The Boomerang Effect
|

The Boomerang Effect

Get this one. You have gone through the angst of physical separation, maybe even the joys of a wedding, and then found your daughter at your doorstep, bags in hand. If this describes you and your daughter, we have a name for it: the boomerang effect. What you may not initially see is that boomerang kids, according to Seattle psychotherapists Jean Okimoto and Phyllis Stegall, feel disillusioned and disappointed by their failure to achieve independence.

Woman to Woman

Psychologists tell us moms what we already know but don't want to hear. We are uncomfortable when our daughters are not 100 percent happy. But that's the time they tell us that we have to be particularly careful not to give into their spoken or unspoken pleas for expensive items or money for credit card payments. If you fall into this habit you will prolong their dependency.

Serving Boomerang Style

The best things to serve your daughters when they show up at home as a boomerang kid are portions of encouragement and autonomy. These have the nutrients that will help them retain competence, confidence, and self-esteem. And these are three qualities demonstrated by emotionally mature and responsible young adults able to live on their own.

How to Avoid Feathering the Nest

Should you find yourself in the same predicament as Julia's mom, follow these four critical steps:

  1. Put a limit on time your daughter can nest with you.
  2. Expect your daughter to have a well-defined plan of action.
  3. Create mutual agreements for living together.
  4. Insist on setting up a formal loan and payment schedule.
|

Excerpted from The Complete Idiot's Guide to Mothers and Daughters © 2001 by Rosanne Rosen. All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Used by arrangement with Alpha Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

To order this book visit Amazon's web site or call 1-800-253-6476.


highlights

Teens and E-Cigarettes: 6 Things You Must Know
For the first time in a generation, tobacco use has risen among the nation's youth, due to the rising use of e-cigarettes. Learn more about the dangerous and addictive e-cigarette trend, and get tips to talk to your teen.

Find Today's Newest & Best Children's Books!
Looking for newly released books for your child? Try our new Book Finder tool to search for new books by age, type, and theme, brought to you by Galactic Hot Dogs.

Printable Lists of the Top 100 Baby Names
Need help with baby name ideas? Use our printable list of the top 100 girl names and top 100 boy names of 2015 to help you brainstorm and narrow down your favorites.

Registered for Kindergarten — Now What?
Wondering what to do now that you've signed your child up for kindergarten? Try our award-winning Kindergarten Readiness app! This easy-to-use checklist comes with games and activities to help your child build essential skills for kindergarten. Download the Kindergarten Readiness app today!

stay connected

Sign up for our free email newsletters and receive the latest advice and information on all things parenting.

Enter your email address to sign up or manage your account.

Facebook icon Facebook icon Follow Us on Pinterest

editor’s picks