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Are Your Mother-Daughter Expectations Getting in the Way?

Although there is an old saying that infers your mother knows everything about you—what you are thinking and feeling—and don't have to be told, that isn't necessarily a good adage to buy into. You could be expecting too much from Mom if you expect her to…

  • Read your mind.
  • Know what you think is important at all times.
  • Be ready to drop everything the moment you want her to listen.
  • Know exactly when or when not to ask questions pertaining to your private life.
  • Be fully attuned to your moods.
  • Know what is and isn't important to you.
  • Not put any demands on you.
  • Be your friend, supporter, and confidante, but do not allow her to expect the same from you.

If this list sounds all too familiar, your expectations are way out of line, and you will surely meet with disappointment. Some readjusting on your part is in order.

So What Are Reasonable Expectations?

In case you are left in a quandary after going over the previous list of excessive expectations, examine the ideas that follow. They reveal expectations many adult daughters have of their mothers that are more fair and reasonable.

Well-founded, reasonable expectations for a daughter to have of her mom include…

  • Showing a real interest in your life—career, loves, well-being, hobbies, problems, and children, for starters.
  • Asking questions about your work and your children.
  • Demonstrating equal interest in all of her children.
  • Being able to empathize.
  • Valuing what is important to you.
  • Making your relationship a two-way adult street.
  • Being your friend and supporter.
  • Demonstrating enthusiasm for your accomplishments.
  • Respecting your way of doing things.
  • Appreciating the unique adult you have become.
  • Discussing with you, not lecturing you, about concerns she has about aspects of your life that may lead you into trouble.

If your mom doesn't meet these expectations, you can be relatively certain the fault is hers, not yours!

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Excerpted from The Complete Idiot's Guide to Mothers and Daughters © 2001 by Rosanne Rosen. All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Used by arrangement with Alpha Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

To order this book visit Amazon's web site or call 1-800-253-6476.


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