Home > Mom's Life > Family Relationships > Parent/Child Relationships > Repairing the Mother-Daughter Relationship
|

Repairing the Mother-Daughter Relationship

Building Blocks

A belief system is composed of fundamental ideas that affect how an individual looks at and evaluates a set of circumstances, experiences, or individuals. Indeed it colors the overall way in which one looks at and approaches the world around them.

If your old way of thinking hasn't produced the most harmonious, loving feelings between mother and daughter that you can each summons, it is time to toss out that old belief system full of misconceptions, misunderstandings, and leftover ill feelings, and come up with a new one. However, the new belief system must be founded on pertinent, reliable facts that will affect positive change in your mother-daughter relationship. Here are 10 worthy points that should formulate for you a sound basis for a new and improved belief system:

  1. Any emotional stress caused by your mother-daughter relationship to either party, no matter how slight, is worth fixing!
  2. An older mother who is tired of mothering has the right to retire, but not withdraw, from the job.
  3. There is a difference between trying to understand a mother or daughter's behavior and trying to sanction it.
  4. Confrontation does not have to be combative. It's all in the way you handle it.
  5. It can be beneficial to discuss the issues that drive a wedge between mothers and daughters.
  6. In a healthy mother-daughter relationship, each adult takes responsibility for her own actions and for the relationship. There is no passing the buck.
  7. Mothers and daughters cannot solve each other's problems. They can support, guide, and assist. However, each party owns her own problems.
  8. Intimacy is achieved through self-disclosure, love, and mutual dependency; it is not determined by dependency.
  9. Not all mothers or daughters have the capacity to change. In this instance, someone is going to have to do more than her share of accepting.
  10. Mothers and daughters are human beings who are fallible and make mistakes.
Building Blocks

Egocentric individuals focus on themselves, their own interests, and how everything relates specifically to them. Their focal point is so preoccupied with self that it may exclude anyone else's interests, points of view, or feelings.

Finding the Right Tools to Make Improvements and Repairs

The most basic tool in your chest is also one that is imperative to improving, reviewing, and resolving any mother-daughter issue. It is called objective thinking. Objective thinking must incorporate having a neutral mindset, stepping back, relying on the facts, and divorcing reason from emotion.

Objectivity promotes clarity. It encourages thinking that will benefit mother-daughter relationships, and will help those who are seeking repairs and improvements.

The opposite of objectivity is subjectivity. It does not benefit your pursuit of making improvements and repairs. An excessive subjective mindset indicates an egocentric individual or mom. Subjective thinking relies on personal emotions, preconceived notions, one point of view, personal interests, a lack of empathy, narrow vision, and egocentric observations.

If you are unable to leave subjectivity behind and to achieve objectivity on your own or discern fact from fiction, it may be time to make an appointment with someone who can be an impartial participant in the process.

Necessary Add-Ons to Your Normal Behavior

Before you can hope to improve your mother-daughter relationship, there are significant attitudes that need to be put into play on a regular and ongoing basis. Put a check mark by the ones you need to improve upon:

    ____ Showing tolerance
    ____ Being open as opposed to secretive
    ____ Practicing humility
    ____ Abandoning a defensive mindset
    ____ Employing a giving mode
|

Excerpted from The Complete Idiot's Guide to Mothers and Daughters © 2001 by Rosanne Rosen. All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Used by arrangement with Alpha Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

To order this book visit Amazon's web site or call 1-800-253-6476.


stay connected

Sign up for our free email newsletters and receive the latest advice and information on all things parenting.

Enter your email address to sign up or manage your account.

Facebook icon Twitter icon Follow Us on Pinterest

editor’s picks

jack-o'-lantern creator

Design and print
your own
jack-o’-
lanterns!

GO

highlights

Top 10 Free Homework Help Websites
Is helping your child with homework more frustrating and confusing than ever before, thanks to the new Common Core standards? Check out the best free homework help websites to boost kids' success in math, science, English, and more.

Kindergarten Readiness App Wins Gold
Our Kindergarten Readiness app won the Gold Award of Excellence in the educational category at the 2014 Communicator Awards. This valuable checklist comes with games and activities to help your child practice the essential skills she needs for kindergarten. Download the Kindergarten Readiness app today!

11 Fantastic Fall Apple Desserts
Nothing says fall like the smell of an apple dessert baking in the oven. Use up your family's surplus of apples with our 11 favorite apple dessert recipes.

Find Today's Newest & Best Children's Books!
Looking for newly released books for your child? Try our new Book Finder tool to search for new books by age, type, and theme, and create reading lists for kids!