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Learning the Prerequisites for a Mature Mother-Daughter Relationship

Daughters, this one is for you. Here are your assignments for reaching a mature, intergenerational relationship.

Assignment #1

  1. Break the approval cycle.
  2. Make sure that your maternal introject is in check.
  3. Recognize and accept that you are an adult.
  4. Be secure in your personal identity within the mother-daughter relationship.
  5. Take responsibility for your behavior.
  6. Learn to respect and accept the differences between you and your mother.
  7. Be strong enough to set personal boundaries, limits on your mother's intervention, and be able to express your honest opinion.
  8. Learn to be a participant in an interdependent relationship.
  9. Speak up about what matters to you.

Assignment #2

In order to accomplish many of the above points, you should take time to conduct a self-examination that will differentiate you from your mother. Fill in the blanks.

  Mom's Yours
Temperament ____________ ____________
Work ____________ ____________
Dreams ____________ ____________
Values ____________ ____________
Personal Style ____________ ____________
Relationship Style ____________ ____________

Feel free to add to this list any qualities you wish to explore. The goal of this exercise is to demonstrate that you are two authentic individuals. Now share the results of your homework with your mother.

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Excerpted from The Complete Idiot's Guide to Mothers and Daughters © 2001 by Rosanne Rosen. All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Used by arrangement with Alpha Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

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