Holiday Shopping with Your Kids in Tow

The scene: Your local mall.

The mission: To pick up "a few things" on your holiday shopping list.

The challenge: To find what you need without losing your child... or your sanity.

Wait a minute!

Maybe the bell ringer for the Salvation Army will keep an eye on the little tyke while you cruise miles of aisles in search of That Perfect Gift for Uncle Harry. You'll empty your pockets in gratitude upon return.

Or maybe the kind ladies at the cosmetics counter will let your pint-sized princess play with the eye shadows while you find your mother-in-law's favorite perfume.

Sure, no problem. Say, what's in your eggnog?

Fact is, the holiday shopping season is now in full swing. Chances are you'll find it necessary to make at least one trip to the mall with the kids. For parental units, such excursions can be incredibly stressful.

"Whenever I take my son, he runs and hides under the clothes racks," moans one mom. "We'll be in a huge department store, and I'll be frantic, I can't see him. He thinks it's a big game to run and hide from Mom! Nine times out of ten I end up dragging him out before I get what I came in for in the first place!"

Mimi S., mother of two kids ages three and five, doesn't even think about stepping into a store with children.

"It's usually so unpleasant that I've taken to shopping in catalogues," she admits. "It's nice to have this fantasy that you're going to walk through a mall and gaze at store windows together, but it doesn't happen that way."

"Parents feel a lot of time pressure and children always slow things down," notes Linda Braun, executive director of the Families First parenting program in Cambridge, Massachusetts. "Parents hear children say, 'I want this' or 'I have to have that' and they think 'my kid's a spoiled brat' or 'how am I going to afford that?'" In fact, Braun believes, advance planning by parents can make the difference between a shopping disaster and a fun afternoon. Some strategies:

• Think about the entire holiday season, and how you want it to reflect your values as a family. This will help set the context for shopping trips with kids, when your comments will help them understand those values. ("I know you want that doll house, and you want a new bike, but in our family kids get one big gift. So why don't you think about which one you want most?")

• Be very clear with kids about where you're going and what you're going to do. ("I have to find a sweater for your grandmother at the mall. I think it'll take about half an hour.")

• Stick to your game plan. It's not fair to tell a child you'll shop for half an hour and then browse for two hours.

• Prepare them for the environment: "You'll want to jump on the escalators and run into the toy store, but remember, we're going to hold hands." Braun notes that preparing kids is a way to prepare yourself, so you'll be more likely to act, not react, if or when they act up.

• Tell them up front what happens if they misbehave: "You know how worried Mom gets when you run away and hide. What will happen if you forget is that we'll leave immediately and then we won't be able to get ice cream." (Or for older children, "I'll deduct $ from your allowance.")

• Bring activities. Pack books, markers, paper, small trucks or toys. It's better to have a child play by your feet than run away.

• Don't take your kids shopping unless you have no choice. If you can't afford or can't find a babysitter, arrange a child care "swap" with another family. They take your kids for a few hours so you can shop, then you reciprocate!
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