Individual Differences Among Newborns

A "well-organized" baby

Over years of experience in assessing newborn babies, we have been struck by the pronounced individual differences between them. These differences affect both the way an infant will participate in early interaction, and the way parents will respond. The importance of these individual differences to the early parent-child relationship must not be underestimated. Fortunately, because of the psychological energy that is churned up during pregnancy, the parents' capacity to understand and empathize with a baby is enhanced. Parents seem to be programmed to look for and value the individuality of their particular baby. The more that fathers and mothers can be encouraged to use this powerful psychological energy for recognizing characteristic responses and strengths in their babies, the firmer their early relationship will be.

The most fortunate families are those who enjoy a fit between the baby's individuality and the family's capacity to nurture. There are major differences in wishes and expectations from one set of parents to another. Parents also have personality characteristics that limit the kind of baby they may be able to handle. Energetic, intense parents are likely to feel more comfortable with an active child. A quiet, sensitive parent might feel overwhelmed and angry with the same infant. A quiet baby who waited to demonstrate a reaction might suit them better. While some responsive, well-organized babies would be easy for any parent, most parents must work to achieve an understanding of their baby in order to achieve a good fit. The following three cases suggest the range of possible parent-baby combinations and the challenge they present.

Robert* was a well-muscled, well-proportioned baby who was active right after delivery. He weighed nine pounds and was heavy-boned and sturdy. His mother had been prepared for a big baby, but when she first saw him on the delivery table, she said, "My God, was all that baby inside of me?" He had a shock of dark, matted hair, a round face with big, searching eyes, and he looked around the delivery room hungrily. His face and head were slightly pushed to the left because of his position in the womb, and both ears were flattened against the side of his head. His big, soft features were appealingly babyish, more like a one-month-old baby.

As he was placed on his mother's belly for her to inspect him, he quieted down. Before that, he'd been moving arms and legs continuously in slow cycles; his face had been wrinkled as he scanned the room around him. Now, as he lay face down, head on his mother's chest, he made crawling movements with his legs, settling finally with his hand up next to his mouth. His mother picked him up to look him in the face, his eyes came open, and he looked at her eyes with an eager expression. His face softened as she spoke softly to him, and his body tensed as he looked even more intently at her. She said, "I think you're seeing my face and hearing my voice already! What a wonderful fellow you are!" She laid him on the bed to inspect him all over. He grasped her fingers with his fists, brought his legs up to his abdomen to push off her hand, and when she pulled him up to a sitting position, he responded with vigorous head control, keeping his head nearly upright and in the midline. As he sat there, again his eyes came open and he surveyed the room.

Everyone in the delivery room was struck with how competent and controlled this alert little boy was, moments after birth. His father leaned over, talking to him in one ear. Immediately, Robert seemed to grow still, turning his head to the sound of the voice, his eyes scanning for its source. When he found his father's face, he brightened again as if in recognition. His father said, "Oh, what a great, big handsome boy!" He picked Robert up to handle him. As he was cuddled, Robert turned his body into his father's chest and seemed to lock his legs around one side of his father. Robert reached up to grasp and hold onto his father's gown, looking up into his face. By this time, his father was about to burst with pride and delight. When he put Robert up on his shoulder, the brand-new, still-slippery baby nestled against his father, his legs still seeming to hold on, his hands and arms up on his father's shoulder, his head cocked and nestling in the crook of his father's neck. His beaming father pulled him in even closer to contain and cuddle him. Although he'd been undressed by now for fifteen minutes, Robert's color remained pink, and he seemed contented at being handled and played with. He was not upset by any of these maneuvers.

The nurse finally took him to clean off the slippery material, called "vernix," which helped him get out of the birth canal. As she washed him, he began to fuss, to startle, and then he cried even louder. His cry came out with a rather low, but lusty, wail. She said, "It's good for him to cry. It opens up his lungs," as if she were apologizing for breaking into this idyllic family situation. She rushed to give him the required injection of vitamin K, to place the identification bands on his wrist and ankle, and to instill silver nitrate in each eye. With each intrusion, Robert slowly built up to a louder protest. By the third maneuver, he was pretty upset, crying vigorously. His color was an even brighter red by now.

When she wrapped him in a swaddling blanket, he calmed down, brought his right fist up to his mouth as if to suck, and began to settle into a quiet, peaceful position. He seemed relieved to be left alone. His regular breathing, his peaceful-looking face, his body at rest suggested that he had achieved his goal at last. His hand remained up near his mouth as if ready for self-comfort if he needed it. His red flushed color disappeared.

Both his parents had been hungrily watching each of the nurse's maneuvers. When he settled down, they sighed with deep relief. His mother turned to look at her bare belly and the rumpled bed, as if to say "Now I can take care of myself." His father realized that they'd both been so caught up with Robert's behavior and the miracle of watching him that he'd neglected to pay attention to his wife's needs.

A well-organized baby like Robert exudes a sense of reassurance and comfort. His appearance of strength, of perfection, of wholeness reinforces the parents' every move. Even in this first, short period, he tells his parents that he can "manage." They can be intrusive (as is the nurse); they can make mistakes with him; they can force him to respond even at a difficult time for him (right after delivery). He can manage all of this without disintegrating or falling apart. For an experienced observer, the way in which he moves slowly but surely from one state to another is his most reassuring behavior. For the parents, the remarkable ability to look at them, to register a response, to listen to their voices, and to lock his auditory and visual responses together as he finds their faces is a priceless reward for the long work of pregnancy. His competent movements begin to give them the feeling that he is already a person who can handle himself. His ability to settle down, with their help, but also by himself, is sure evidence of this. It would be difficult not to be off to a good start with this baby. He will do his part.

*Names and identifying details have been changed in case histories throughout this book.

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