Early Bonding with Newborns

Newborn babies are beautifully programmed to fit the parents' fantasies and to reward the work of pregnancy. From the first, they are active participants in shaping their parents' reactions to them. Parents are hungry for responses from their newborn. During pregnancy, they have dreamed of a smiling baby who snuggles neatly into their arms. They need a responsive infant to fuel the work ahead. The now outdated image of a baby who could neither see nor hear for several weeks after birth made parents blind to the very responses that can swiftly strengthen attachment. Today, the newborn's developed sensory powers are better known, and those of us who work with parents can help point out the extraordinary range of behavior in the repertory of an individual infant. Parents who appreciate and value this responsiveness are ready for a richer dialogue with their baby.

Complex capacities are available in the normal human newborn, ready to reward adults for appropriate responses. These capacities, programmed into the baby, match universal expectations in parents. The baby's behavior and the parent's instinctive nurturing responses meet in the newborn period to fuel the growth of attachment between them. Energy is high at this time and the newborn is equipped to capture it.

When a mother holds her newborn in a comfortable, cuddled position, the infant molds into her body. On her shoulder, the infant lifts his or her head to scan the room, then settles a soft, fuzzy scalp into the crook of her neck. As she automatically pulls the infant to her, a newborn will burrow harder into her neck, molding his or her body against hers, legs adjusting to fit her body. All of these responses say to her, "You are doing the right thing." If she leans down to speak in one ear, the baby turns to her voice and looks for her face. Finding it, the infant's face brightens as if to say, "There you are!" A newborn will choose a female voice over a male, as if to say, "I know you already and you are important to me."

As we will see, newborns' states of consciousness are responsive to mothers in similarly reinforcing ways. When they are crying, as their mother speaks to them, touches them, or holds their arms, they will quiet. Both mother and newborn feel the thrill of having "done the right thing." Each time something she does brings a response, whether quieting or waking or becoming alert, a mother feels her competence confirmed. If, on the other hand, an infant's ability to respond is disturbed or impaired, she feels her expectations violated. Both her attachment and her future relationship with this infant are put at risk.

Insecure new parents look for signals from their baby to reassure them that their caring attempts are on target. They need the baby's responses as a continuous confirmation of the appropriateness of their parenting. At a time when no extended family system provides advice and monitoring, the baby's behavior is the parents' best guide to each new effort.

More on: Babies and Toddlers

Excerpted from:

Copyright © 1990 by T. Berry Brazelton, M.D., Bertrand G. Cramer, M.D. Excerpted from The Earliest Relationship Parents, Infants, And The Drama Of Early Attachment with permission of its publisher, Perseus Books Group, Inc. All rights reserved.

To order this book visit perseusbooksgroup.com.