How to Woo Your Baby

Reading cues; following baby's lead

Reading Your Baby's Cues
If you're like many parents, you've been intuitively offering your baby the smiles, nonsense sounds, and funny faces that entice her pleasurable responses. If you're already receiving your baby's smiles in return, just relax and enjoy them. Continue to do whatever brings forth the baby's chortles and grins, and try to woo your baby into more and longer states of pleasure.

Since every baby's response to parental overtures is as individual as her fingerprints, try to notice which type of interaction brings your baby the most pleasure. Does she respond more when your own mood is upbeat and you're talking up a storm? Or does your baby seem happier when you're quieter and use gentle motions? Notice whether she has a happy look in her eye or a lip that quivers with excitement when you pick her up. Does she use her whole body to express her attachment to you, by kicking and waving her arms and legs? Perhaps your baby uses squeals and coos to draw you to her side, or nestles into your arms in a cuddle that brings both of you joy. Try to deliberately use the looks, tones, and gestures that bring your baby the most pleasure.

Wooing your baby is as heady an experience as falling in love with your mate. In some respects, the connection feels even more intimate. There will be many times when you feel intoxicated just by looking at your sleeping baby. Her relaxed fingers and open palms will stun you with their beauty and vulnerability. Her growing emotional responsiveness will continually surprise you during her waking hours. Where did this evidence of a unique personality come from? Suddenly your baby is able to coo with delight or bounce in excitement as you approach her in her crib. Even her ability to use snorting sounds and squeals has a new, playful quality. She has learned how to produce certain noises which are guaranteed to elicit a response from you.

At first you will probably be taking more of the initiative in reaching out to your little partner, though this may soon change. You'll be extending tender kisses, soothing hugs, soft murmurs, and glances that are full of love. In return, you'll become aware of your baby's growing love for you. In the early months her focused attention on your face, shifts in position to get a better glimpse of you. and imitative smiles were the first indications that she had entered into an essential partnership with you.

With your baby's growing ability to interact with the world around her, as well as to calm herself, this partnership blossoms into a full-blown love affair. It's a great time to solidify the love between you and your baby, because she isn't yet focused on crawling or preoccupied with a need to physically explore her environment. By taking advantage of the many opportunities for interaction that occur throughout the day during playtimes, feeding times, and diaper changes, you'll be building up a foundation of love and trust between you and your child.

Interacting With Your Baby on Her Own Terms
Timing is everything. Your baby will establish her own special rhythms as she interacts with you. She may flash you a big smile and wiggle her body in delight for a moment, and then retreat a little. Or she may suck on her fist and stare off into space for a while before turning back to you for 30 seconds' worth of intense involvement. These behaviors will ebb and flow, building to a peak of involvement before dying down.

You'll be following your baby's lead in this courtship dance. As the weeks go by, try to help her stretch out these intimate interactions. Notice what kind of play brings her special joy, and come up with variations that keep her engaged with you. You'll see an eager, expectant expression on her face that wasn't there a month ago. If peekaboo is a hit, try to vary the game by popping up on "boo!" in a different spot each time. Your baby relishes both expectation and surprise, so vary the length of time she waits in anticipation of hearing "boo!"

Remember not to exhaust your little playmate. Follow her lead when she wants to ease off, but try to help her enjoy ever-lengthening periods of connection with you. Take note of those times when your baby shies away from you. If you are separated from the baby for part of the day, or for an entire day, does she become a little cooler, even aloof? Does she need an hour of your concentrated wooing to be won back, or does she seem bright and responsive with just a few minutes of your undivided attention? Try spending more time together or consciously warming up your interaction if your child seems cool or disinterested in your relationship. Try not to get discouraged if your efforts result in just a few brief moments of warm connection. Each additional second you manage to engage your baby can, with patience, be extended over time into longer, loving interactions.

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