Newborns and Independent Sleeping

If a parent encourages an infant to rely on her own resources during the day and night, and avoids rushing to her to pick her up and to feed her every time she cries out and scrabbles around in bed, the baby is likely to learn nighttime independence. It seems as if "learning" to sleep depends on learning to be independently resourceful. Some babies, who are easily excited and who lose control in startles that rouse them, may not be able to settle themselves. But most babies can learn to comfort themselves by this age.

Parents often ask whether this means letting a baby "cry it out." I explain that this does not mean deserting the baby at night. Parents can go to the baby, sit quietly beside her, pat her down gently. I often recommend that a parent sing a quiet song as they pat, "You can do it! You can do it! You can do it yourself!" Don't respond to her invitations for other more lively interactions. Keep her focused on her job—settling herself down to sleep. By not taking her out to feed her or play with her, you are encouraging her to rely on her own pattern of self-comforting. This may be expecting independence before some active, hypersensitive babies are ready for it. But most 4-month-old babies are ready. On the other hand, parents who have been away from home all day may not be ready for such a separation. They may need these periods of closeness at night as times of reunion at the end of a hectic day.

Excerpted from: