Teaching Children the Art of Correspondence

Children who write notes and letters give a great deal of pleasure and have a better chance of experiencing the pleasure of receiving correspondence in return. More important, they grow up imbued with the knowledge of the power and pleasures of personal correspondence.

It is never too early to begin giving your children a respect for the written word and the ceremonies surrounding it. Even before children are old enough to write, they will be aware that writing letters is an important activity: “I'm writing to Aunt Nora to thank her for ….”

Thank-You Letters

The thank-you letter is probably the first kind of correspondence your child will send. Make the experience as comfortable as possible. A thank-you note from a seven year old does not have to be spelled and punctuated perfectly. It is all right for a note from a child to look like a note from a child. Praise any effort a child makes to correspond.

But the basic rules apply even to the very young. The note needs a salutation. Mention the specific gift or favor. Sign with Love or other appropriate sentiment. Later, thank-you notes can include an acknowledgment of the effort behind the gift: “You must have spent the whole day baking these cookies.” You can also let the giver know how the gift will be used: “These cookies will be a big hit at my sleep-over party tomorrow.”

And yes, a child must send thank-you notes for Christmas gifts unless the giver is present—and is properly thanked—when the gift is opened.

Don't allow your children to use preprinted thank-you notes. They defeat the purpose of giving personal thanks for a personal gift.

Apology Letters

Let's pretend that your child knocked a baseball through a neighbor's window. Even if the child apologized on the scene, a note of apology is called for. It should

• Be prompt.
• Acknowledge fault and apologize.
• Offer to make amends.

It should also be written in ink and signed Sincerely. The envelope should have the sender's name and address in the upper left, and the addressee's name should be preceded by an honorific such as Mr., Mrs., Ms., or Dr. (These, by the way, are the only honorifics that are abbreviated.) The letter will look something like this:

Dear Mr. Smith:

Please accept my apology for breaking your window the other day. It was careless of me, and I feel bad about it. I know all the trouble it has caused you. If you would like, I will repair the window myself. If you have made other arrangements, please send me the bill so that I can pay for the damage.

Sincerely,


Tommy Jones

Condolence Letters

A parent of your child's close friend has died. Even if your child has attended the funeral, sent flowers, visited, or telephoned, a condolence letter is a must. A commercial sympathy card will not do. Remember that condolence letters are comforting and diverting for those who have suffered a loss. Sometimes they become part of the family history to be passed down through the generations.

The letter should be written in ink with a fountain pen if possible. Try to use black ink. If the child's handwriting is hard to read, it is all right to have the letter typed and signed in ink.

The condolence letter should not be a formal, formula letter; it should be written from the heart. Your child can begin by acknowledging the friend's loss and saying that he or she feels sad about it. The condolence letter is the place to recall the special characteristics of the deceased, visits to your home, lessons learned from that person, good times shared. Such reminiscences celebrate the life of the deceased rather than being morbid and depressing about the loss.

Above all, don't spend all your time saying how upset you are. The person who receives it might think you are the one who should be getting the condolence letter.

Love Letters

Watch out. You never know who will end up reading love letters. Keep them newsy on the surface. Your feelings will come through in the style and tone of your letter.

A good rule of thumb is that the best love letters are written in the sand.

RSVPs

Translation: Respond if you please. And, please, respond promptly.

A telephone number on the invitation absolves you from writing. So does “Regrets Only.” However, if you were planning a party, wouldn't you like to get a note saying your guest is pleased to be invited and looks forward to coming?

If you can't attend, let the host know the reason you can't be there. If you accept, do your best to honor your commitment.

Schools no longer teach etiquette, and charm school is something rarely heard of these days. So, basically, it's up to parents to first convince their children that courtesy is crucial and, second, to teach them the rules of courtesy—also called etiquette. If parents don't do it, children must learn by offending people and suffering the consequences. We learn by watching the behavior of others.

Excerpted from The Complete Idiot's Guide to Etiquette © 2004 by Mary Mitchell. All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Used by arrangement with Alpha Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

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