Home > Kids > Behavior and Discipline > Behavioral Problems > Lying > Granddaughter Is Stealing and Lying
|

Expert Iconexpert advice MORE

Granddaughter Is Stealing and Lying

Toddler and Teenager Expert Advice from Carleton Kendrick, Ed.M., LCSW

Q: How can I stop my 15-year-old granddaughter from stealing and lying? I will not have her in my home because of it.

A: I don't know from your question if you are raising your granddaughter or you are referring to her lying and stealing when she visits you. Without knowing the nature or frequency of the lying or stealing I can't really offer the advice I prefer. In any event, let me offer the following suggestions: all kids, no matter what their ages, consistently misbehave for reasons. There are "goals" to their lying and stealing. These goals of misbehavior almost always fall into four categories: attention, power, revenge, and displaying inadequacy. All misbehavior stems from feeling discouraged. Teens find it especially hard to ask for the help they need. Oftentimes, the indirect way they ask for help is by doing something dramatic, like lying or stealing; if these don't work, they may "ask for help" by doing something worse.

Your granddaughter will not be helped with what is troubling her by demanding that she stop all lying and stealing or you'll throw her out. As much as you think this ultimatum might scare her into behaving properly, I'm betting it won't. It'll just show you don't love her unconditionally, which she probably feels anyway and it will push her into having to one-up you with her response.

I strongly suggest that you say something like, "I obviously don't understand what's causing you so much hurt inside. I know you don't feel good about stealing and lying and I want to help you feel better. I'm going to make some calls and find out the names of a few therapists who you could trust and you can interview them to see which one you want to work with. I'll support you in any way I can so that you can feel better about yourself. I know it's tough being a teenager these days but I can't sit by and see you do things that show such disrespect for yourself. Our deal is that I'll try to get you the help you need if you promise to work hard to help yourself. I know you can do it!"

Forgive her grandmother and become her champion if she'll let you. Good luck.

More on: Expert Advice

Carleton Kendrick has been in private practice as a family therapist and has worked as a consultant for more than 20 years. He has conducted parenting seminars on topics ranging from how to discipline toddlers to how to stay connected with teenagers. Kendrick has appeared as an expert on national broadcast media such as CBS, Fox Television Network, Cable News Network, CNBC, PBS, and National Public Radio. In addition, he's been quoted in the New York Times, Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, Boston Globe, USA Today, Reader's Digest, BusinessWeek, Good Housekeeping, Woman's Day, and many other publications.


Please note: This "Expert Advice" area of FamilyEducation.com should be used for general information purposes only. Advice given here is not intended to provide a basis for action in particular circumstances without consideration by a competent professional. Before using this Expert Advice area, please review our General and Medical Disclaimers.

stay connected

Sign up for our free email newsletters and receive the latest advice and information on all things parenting.

Enter your email address to sign up or manage your account.

Facebook icon Twitter icon Follow Us on Pinterest

editor’s picks

highlights

Join BIC on our mission to save handwriting and Fight For Your Write! Writing helps kids become better readers, boosts their confidence and sparks their creativity. Visit BICFightForYourWrite.com to sign our petition to save handwriting!

7 Tips for Reading Aloud to Babies & Toddlers
The AAP advises reading aloud to babies and toddlers because it boosts brain power and has many other benefits. Get some tips for making the most of story time with your tot!

Kindergarten Readiness App Wins Gold
Our Kindergarten Readiness app won the Gold Award of Excellence in the educational category at the 2014 Communicator Awards. This valuable checklist comes with games and activities to help your child practice the essential skills she needs for kindergarten. Download the Kindergarten Readiness app today!

How to Survive Summer Boredom
When the kids are home all day, every day, summer boredom strikes hard and fast. Learn the best summer boredom busters and tips for surviving until September.

12 Birthday Party Favors that Won't Get Thrown Away
The next time you're planning a birthday, forgo the penny candy and cheap toys. Send your guests home with one of these fun and creative party favor ideas!