Obstacles to a Perfect Marriage
Overcoming Your Obstacles
The first step to overcoming obstacles in your relationship is to know what they are. To help you identify the obstacles in your relationship, answer the following questions.
Obstacles Quiz1. Which of the following statements best describe your reason(s) for reading this article?
- You are having problems in your relationship and want to learn how to overcome them.
- You have no role models for a good marriage, and you want guidance.
- You want to avoid divorce.
- You want to have a better marriage.
- You want to maximize the potential of your relationship to be the best it can be.
3. Name three unrealistic expectations you have of your partner:
4. List three grudges you are holding against your spouse:
5. Looking at your answers to these four questions, what are the three biggest obstacles in your relationship?
Go through your obstacles one by one and think of things you can do to eliminate them. For instance, if you have unrealistic expectations of your spouse, you might do best by focusing on his or her positive qualities. If you have grudges against your spouse, you should probably forgive your spouse and move on.
When you find yourself facing obstacles in your relationship, think about ways to overcome them. Every ounce of energy you spend removing obstacles will create closeness in your marriage.
Don't Give Up Easily
When you are going through a difficult time in your marriage, it's very easy to just give up. But this is exactly the time you need to face the challenge. You need to be determined to make your marriage succeed. The single most important thing you can do for your relationship is to really work at it. Don't give up easily.
Imagine that you didn't tend to a garden for six months. It would look weedy and uncared for, but that doesn't mean beautiful flowers can't grow there! When things are difficult in your marriage, think about the great times you've had and all that you've shared. Make the effort to get your relationship back to where it was and then some!
We will give you many tools and techniques to help you create a wonderful marriage. But there is one thing we cannot give you: determination to succeed. That is something you need to bring to your relationship.
Marriage Q & A's
Q: If I am always fighting with my spouse, should I think about getting a divorce?
A: Getting a divorce is not necessarily the answer to a conflict in a marriage. Many people who divorce one person for another end up with the same problems, probably because they bring the same unresolved issues into their next relationship. We encourage people to stay in their marriage and work through their issues together.
What is so important about determination? Determination allows you to see past a tough situation and focus on the long-term goals in your marriage. You might have a difficult goal such as putting aside money every month to buy a house. But knowing that you will own a home in the future helps you budget your money carefully.
The same is true for your marriage. You have the long-term goal to have a fantastic relationship with your spouse, but you will still face situations that are difficult. There are times when you will need to compromise. At those times, stay focused by remembering your larger goal—a great marriage.
Go for It!
Don't make the mistake of learning all of the tools in this book without having the determination to use them! The best tools in the world are useless if they aren't used.
You owe it to yourself and your spouse to make every effort to have an extraordinary relationship. If you have unrealistic expectations of your partner or are carrying past grudges, you will always be disappointed. You will never be able to see your marriage as wonderful.
On the other hand, if you are able to get over past disappointments, forgive your spouse, and be realistic about your expectations, you will be on your way to having a great marriage.
So many people are looking elsewhere that they don't realize the perfect mate is standing right beside them. Don't let this happen to you!
More on: Marriage and Divorce
Excerpted from The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Perfect Marriage © 2001 by Hilary Rich and Helaina Laks Kravitz, M.D. All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Used by arrangement with Alpha Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
To order this book visit the Idiot's Guide web site or call 1-800-253-6476.