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Where Does the Time Go?

Lately it seems that the two of you have been like ships passing in the night. You are either at work, out grocery-shopping, or with the kids. You just collapse at the end of each day. Six months ago you went away for a long weekend with your spouse, but that reconnection only lasted for a week or two. Now you are back to the same grind and are forgetting each other and your relationship. The effort of doing nice things for each other, or even showing appreciation, just seems like too much work.

Soul Mates

If you want to spend quality time together, you have to make it happen!

If things are really hectic and you have no time for each other, it is important to take a deep breath and examine your current life choices together. We are all so busy that sometimes it is difficult to remember that life is passing us by while we are getting our errands done. The following chart will help you think about the time you spend with your spouse. For each day of the week, list the number of hours you spend with your spouse on a typical day. Then write down what the two of you typically do during the time you spend together.

DayHours Spent TogetherActivity

Look at your answers. What do you notice? How many of your hours together are spent having fun? How many are spent making necessary decisions? Are there hours that go by in which you feel you haven't had fun and haven't accomplished anything? You are not alone; most couples feel they don't have the time they need together.

A lot of couples spend their “time together” staring at a screen or shopping for things they don't really need. These are activities that aren't necessarily bad in themselves, but they will not nurture you in the way that spending quality time with your spouse will. Consider how much time you spend watching television or surfing the Internet. Could you cut that amount in half? Do you spend hours shopping for “extras” like a new outfit or a new piece of electronic equipment you don't really need? Are you really enjoying these activities? Are they worth sacrificing special times with your family?


Excerpted from The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Perfect Marriage © 2001 by Hilary Rich and Helaina Laks Kravitz, M.D. All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Used by arrangement with Alpha Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

To order this book visit the Idiot's Guide web site or call 1-800-253-6476.

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