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Obstacles to a Great Sex Life

The responsibilities you face as a married couple can be overwhelming and exhausting. You might be working long hours, be concerned about your child who is sick, or be worried about meeting your budget this month. Making the transition to having fun is difficult when you have a lot on your mind. You need to allow yourself to put aside your day-to-day worries and focus on each other.

The Spice Rack

You and your spouse might have difficulty making the transition from being responsible to being relaxed enough to enjoy sex. Try planning to have sex after an evening out together. You'll already have made the transition from work to play.

Early in your married life, having sex was probably a very high priority in your relationship. Now sex might be a lower priority because there are so many other things to get done. It can be difficult to think about having sex when you are thinking about your other responsibilities. There are dirty dishes, piles of laundry, pressures from work, and other members of the family to think about. That surely doesn't conjure up romantic images.

Exhaustion can also interfere with your sex life. Most people are usually not interested in having sex when they are tired. Married couples (especially those with children) tend to be exhausted at the end of the day. All they can think about is getting a good night's sleep. Chances are very high that one or the other of you is tired, which does not bode well for a fulfilling sex life. One way to improve the situation is to go to sleep very early one night to rest up for the next special evening together.

Answer the following questions to help you focus on potential sticking points in your sex life with your spouse.

Intimacy Quiz

  1. Do you find it hard to make the transition from being a responsible adult to being relaxed enough to enjoy sex?
    • Yes or No
  2. Is sex a relatively low priority in your relationship with your spouse?
    • Yes or No
  3. Do you feel distracted much of the time when you have sex with your spouse?
    • Yes or No
  4. Has your general sex drive diminished since you have been married?
    • Yes or No
  5. Are you often exhausted when you have sex with your spouse?
    • Yes or No
  6. If you have children, do they interfere with your privacy?
    • Yes or No

If you answered “Yes” to any of the above questions, write down ideas you might have to improve the issue. For instance, if you are exhausted when you have sex, you might try a different time. And if you feel distracted, you could set the mood to help make the transition to intimacy. Discuss your ideas with your spouse and put them into action right away. You will immediately see an improvement in your sex life.


Excerpted from The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Perfect Marriage © 2001 by Hilary Rich and Helaina Laks Kravitz, M.D. All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Used by arrangement with Alpha Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

To order this book visit the Idiot's Guide web site or call 1-800-253-6476.

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