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The Different Ways Spouses View Sex

Sex tends to be a more of an emotional issue for women and more of a physical issue for men. While this is obviously not a hard and fast rule, there is a certain truth to it.

The Spice Rack

Developing intimacy with your spouse is an ongoing process. Over the years, the trust that develops from good communication and patience will lead to sexual harmony.

For Women Only

The following is a list of things that women need to keep in mind:

1. Men don't always need to be the ones to initiate sex. Your husband will probably enjoy being approached by you first. Your advances will make him feel attractive.

2. Never be judgmental if things don't go perfectly. Blaming or getting angry can be devastating and can hurt your relationship. Kindness and patience will get you back on track.

3. Even though men tend to be more physically oriented, they have an emotional side, too. From time to time, set a romantic mood for your husband. Prepare a candle-lit dinner and play beautiful music. Be creative!

4. Your husband wants you to enjoy intimacy, but he can't read your mind. Communicate with him and let him know what you want.

Answer the following questions as honestly as possible on a scale ranging from 1 (never) to 5 (always). They will help you identify ways to improve your sex life with your husband.

Intimacy Quiz (For Women Only)

  1. How often do you accept your husband's advances?

    • 1   2   3   4  5
  2. Do you feel relaxed with your husband during intimacy?

    • 1   2   3   4   5
  3. Are you clear with your husband about when you want to have sex?

    • 1   2   3   4   5
  4. Does your husband try to please you?

    • 1   2   3   4   5
  5. Do you communicate to your husband what you like?

    • 1   2   3   4   5

How did you do? If you answered all of the questions with a 4 or 5, congratulations! If not, write down each issue you answered with a 1, 2, or 3 and list several things you could do to improve the situation. Remember the importance of communication, putting aside other worries, and setting aside time to be intimate with your husband.

For Men Only

The following is a list of things that men need to keep in mind:

  1. Women are generally more emotional than men. Let your wife know how much you love her and how close you feel to her.

  2. Women like to feel emotionally close to their partner when they are intimate. Unresolved conflicts will interfere with your sex life, so take the time to apologize for anything you might have done wrong (even if you don't feel like it!). Both of you will feel better, and your intimate time together will be more special.

  3. Women can enjoy physical closeness without sex. Sometimes she just might want to cuddle and feel close to you.

  4. Don't take sex so seriously. If something goes wrong, it's not the end of the world. Your wife loves you, so just relax and try again.

Answer the following five questions as honestly as possible on a scale ranging from 1 (never) to 5 (always). They will help you identify ways to improve your sex life with your wife.

Intimacy Quiz (For Men Only)

  1. How often do you accept your wife's advances?

    • 1   2   3   4   5
  2. Do you think about your wife's sexual needs?

    • 1   2   3   4   5
  3. Do you create a romantic atmosphere if you are interested in sex?

    • 1   2   3   4   5
  4. Does your wife try to please you?

    • 1   2   3   4   5
  5. Do you communicate to your wife what you like?

    • 1   2   3   4   5

How did you do? If you answered all the questions with a 4 or 5, congratulations! If not, write down each issue you answered with a 1, 2, or 3 and list several things you could do to improve the situation. Keep in mind the importance of communication, putting aside other worries, and setting aside time to be intimate with your wife.

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Excerpted from The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Perfect Marriage © 2001 by Hilary Rich and Helaina Laks Kravitz, M.D. All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Used by arrangement with Alpha Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

To order this book visit the Idiot's Guide web site or call 1-800-253-6476.


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