Recognizing the Intrusive Mom

Not only can an intrusive mom be a pain, but also she breeds ill will and harmful qualities in her daughters. Intrusive moms…

• Habitually give unsolicited advice.
• Have no respect for their daughter's privacy and barge into her room or go through cabinets in her home.
• Show unwanted concern in their daughters' weight and appearance.
• Ask too many personal questions.
• Try to influence personal decisions.

A Bird's-Eye-View of the Cycle of Intrusion

So what's so bad about these moms you may ask? Nothing if you are strong enough not to pay attention or be affected by their intrusiveness. However, that is not always easily accomplished. Rose R. Oliver, Ph.D., professor of psychology and women and gender studies at Amherst College, describes a cycle that is put into motion by the intrusive mom. This diagram shows how it goes.

The Effects of Intrusive Mothering

One only need look at the general traits associated with daughters who have been raised by intrusive mothers to understand the damage. Daughters who have lived with intrusive moms often tend to…

• Regularly defer their own interests to those of others.
• Experience feelings of vulnerability.
• Rely on the judgments of others rather than their own.
• Be uneasy with disagreement.
• Require the opinions of others to formulate their own ideas.
• Need approval to feel secure.
• Feel as if they are being judged.

It is clear from this list of traits how intrusive moms could rob their daughters of autonomy. Without autonomy, the mother-daughter relationship is in trouble.

Excerpted from:

Excerpted from The Complete Idiot's Guide to Mothers and Daughters © 2001 by Rosanne Rosen. All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Used by arrangement with Alpha Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

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