Back to School at FamilyEducation.com
Home > Kids > Values and Responsibilities > Fostering Independence > Overprotective Moms: The Fix-It Fixation
|

Overprotective Moms: The Fix-It Fixation

A lot of moms have this fixation. The fix-it fixation is the uncontrollable urge to eradicate your child's pain, whether it is real or created by your imagination. The need to fix something is brought on by that queasy feeling in the parental stomach when you sense your child's sadness, regardless of your child's age.

It drives moms to extremes that annoy the living daylights out of their kids. A mom may plan a party for a daughter who appears to be left out of a social group only to find out later that she declined an invitation to become part of the clique. Or, she may scour the city for a sweater she thinks will cheer up her daughter who had a fight with her boyfriend only to find that she already made up with him, hates the sweater, and is annoyed she told her mom about the disagreement in the first place.

One young woman who was the subject of one too many impromptu interrogations by her mom to determine if any distress lurked deep within her daughter's mind, screamed in self-defense: "Mother, I swear I am happy! Okay? Now leave me alone. Please."

Woman to Woman

Margaret Mead, noted anthropologist, wrote about her mother in a way that any fix-it mom could relate to. "I know that if I had written to her (mother) to say, 'Please go and wait for me on the corner of Thirteenth and Chestnut streets,' she would have stayed there until I came or she dropped from sheer fatigue."

Beyond the Realm of Normalcy

Most behavior associated with the fix-it fixation is within the range of normal, even if it does have the capacity to drive your daughter crazy. However, a mother may be reaching beyond the realm of normal if she…

  • Stays up nights plotting ways to make her daughter's life easier.
  • Feels compelled to solve her daughter's problems.
  • Makes it her goal to make sure that her daughter is always happy.
  • Continues to do things that her daughter can and wants to do for herself.
  • Needlessly worries about her daughter's welfare.

Exhibiting all five signs places a mom beyond the realm of a normal fix-it fixation. Anyone who recognizes she exhibits all of these identifying marks should consider seeking expert counseling.

|

Excerpted from The Complete Idiot's Guide to Mothers and Daughters © 2001 by Rosanne Rosen. All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Used by arrangement with Alpha Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

To order this book visit Amazon's web site or call 1-800-253-6476.


stay connected

Sign up for our free email newsletters and receive the latest advice and information on all things parenting.

Enter your email address to sign up or manage your account.

Facebook icon Twitter icon Follow Us on Pinterest

editor’s picks

get ready for school!

We’ve got your
shopping list,
lunch menu,
and more.

GO

highlights

Handwriting Headquarters
We've got handwriting practice worksheets, handwriting tips, and answers to your child's writing struggles, just in time for back to school. Brought to you by BIC.

11 Coolest Lunch Boxes for Kids
Send your child's lunch to school in style! Check out our picks for the 11 best lunch boxes with great features from BPA-free accessories to spill-resistant fabric.

7 Important Back-to-School Safety Tips
Follow these back-to-school safety tips to make sure your child stays safe on the way to school, in the classroom, and while on the playground.

Kindergarten Readiness App Wins Gold
Our Kindergarten Readiness app won the Gold Award of Excellence in the educational category at the 2014 Communicator Awards. This valuable checklist comes with games and activities to help your child practice the essential skills she needs for kindergarten. Download the Kindergarten Readiness app today!

Join BIC on our mission to save handwriting and Fight For Your Write! Writing helps kids become better readers, boosts their confidence and sparks their creativity. Visit BICFightForYourWrite.com to sign our petition to save handwriting!