A mother wonders how she can best deal with a 14-year-old daughter who has run away twice.
Q
I am the parent of a 14-year-old girl. She is a very strong willed young lady. She has run away, and I want to know what is the best way to deal with a run away teen. This is the second time it has happened. The first was two weeks ago. I called her, told her how much we loved her and wanted her home, etc. She didn't come home from school today because last night she didn't put the recycling out(it is her weekly job) and she wouldn't get up in the morning in time to put it out. We told her if it wasn't out in time, she would be grounded. It also wasn't put out last week. We are seeing a counselor next week, but I need to know what to do this weekend. Thank you.
A
Apparently your daughter is running away and letting you know her whereabouts. It seems that this problem deals mostly with how you can stay connected with your teen so that you all feel respected, appreciated and understood. Your disciplining her for not doing chores by punishing her is not going to bring about a good result. These high stakes power struggles must be replaced by reasonable expectations of everyone's behavior, parents and child. The responsibilities that are at the core of your problems have little to do with doing chores and everything to do with the responsibilities you both have to let your love for each other be felt and connect you.
I hope your therapy will be family-based and will not be focused on "fixing" your troubled girl. As long as you know her whereabouts and that she is safe, I would tell her that you all are seeing a counselor this week to help everyone be happier together. Tell her that you hope to learn how to be more of what she needs you to be in the process because you love her deeply. Say that you realize this situation isn't anyone's fault and that you are anxious to start the healing. Keep me posted.
