My husband and I don't know what to do about this. She was quite upset and promised she would "never do it again." I told her that it was all right, and that it was okay to make mistakes while growing up, but you must learn from them. I hope I didn't act too calm about it. I told her she can't go out with those friends anymore. What can I say or do to stress that drinking and drugs will hurt her? I know that teenagers go through this experimental stage, but I also know that teen drinking and driving is one of the leading causes of death for that age group.
I'd like to see if you folks and she could have a calm open-minded discussion about how she believes she made such a poor choice. If she believes your desire is to understand why she made this choice, this will keep the all-important connection with her open. If you want to punish her and let her know she has let you down, then you will shut off that connection. As opposed to seeing this as a tragedy, I'd look upon it as an opportunity to further bond with your daughter, showing her your belief in her goodness and your forgiveness for her 14-year-old mistake. Oftentimes it's how we treat our kids during times like these that make the most impact on them. When everything is going along just fine, we're really not tested. Here's an opportunity to teach her that your belief in and care about her is stronger and more important than your present disappointment in her poor choices.