Banana Splits for Breakfast

by Carleton Kendrick Ed.M., LCSW

Twelve years ago, at 1:30 A.M., I woke my 10 and 8 year-old kids to see a lunar eclipse.

"That's great," Alisa, the elder, whined. "Tell me about it in the morning."

"OK, Dad, I'm coming," said Jason, pulling the sheets over his head.

Despite their lack of enthusiasm, I knew they'd want to see it. Led trance-like to our backyard, they managed to recover their senses just in time to witness the moon's gradual disappearance. They were mesmerized.

On another occasion, a sudden torrential downpour was driving swimmers and sunbathers from the beach. I wanted my children to feel the rain on their faces as they floated on the water. So we ran against the fleeing crowd, into the sea. We floated, drank the rain, and laughed. My children fondly recall these and all their other spontaneous family adventures.

Waltzing in the kitchen
I first learned the joy of acting spontaneously from my Uncle Peter. When I was five, he made one of his many unannounced visits to our home. On this particular Saturday afternoon, he interrupted as my mother was making spaghetti sauce in our kitchen. He greeted her and me warmly, as always, turned up the waltz music on the radio, and danced with his sister. She feigned embarrassment, giggling "Peter, I still have my apron on." But her eyes, her smile, and the grace of her movement spoke only of enchantment.

A sense of wonder
Kids come hard-wired with a natural sense of wonder. They ask us continuously to join them in their endeavors. "Come have tea with me and my imaginary friends." "Let's make banana splits for breakfast!" "We need to catch some fireflies to light up our tent." They fascinate us with their sudden whims.

As a therapist, I've seen so many children become less and less free-spirited as parents hurry them through their childhood. Even preschoolers are encouraged and expected to participate in the highly structured lives parents plan for them. Academic achievement-oriented daycare. Educational playgroups. Adult-supervised sports. There's hardly time for a free moment.

We become less tolerant of their spontaneous "childlike" expressions of curiosity, humor, and celebration, and label these as frivolous, inappropriate, and immature. In our efforts to raise brilliant, multi-talented "top college" students, we lose touch with our kids' penchant for fun. They lose touch with their flair for the impromptu.

Your toll has been paid
It's easy to be spontaneous. Take your daughter for a surprise picnic lunch and bring along her favorite junk foods. Pick your son up at school and take him to an early afternoon matinee of a movie he's been dying to see. How about banana splits for breakfast? Or maybe the next time you're at a toll booth, tell your kid to pay for the five cars behind you. Loosen up. Surprise your kids. Make some memories.

My Uncle Peter taught me to dance in the kitchen, to swim in the rain, to live in the moment. He listened to his heart and invited others to celebrate what he heard. You are never too old to dance in the moonlight. Your children need to know that.

Read Carleton Kendrick's bio.

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