Dealing with Procrastinators to Get Chores Done

Once you decide to implement chores, the battles begin. No self-respecting child is going to want to work! Here are some tips for making it go smoothly.

• Be clear that this is a positive step in raising a responsible, resourceful, well-behaved child. Your confidence will be catching (and remember that kids love limits, even if they'll never, ever admit it!).
• Chores can be boring. What about scheduling one of the weekend mornings as family clean-up day, and doing it all together?
• Keep your chore expectations in line with your child's age and development.
• If your child is highly resistant to chores, consider that she may be maxed out on activities. Between school, other activities, and scheduled play dates, she may have too much on her plate to handle work, too. Consider eliminating some of her outside commitments. Family time and family commitments are very important. (While you're at it, leave her time to just hang out and play. Your child needs some “down time.” Something has to give. You don't want that “something” to be your child.)
• Teach your child how to clean. Sweeping is a skill, it requires practice. Knowing how do the laundry, or to clean a bedroom, requires practice, too. Be patient, don't redo her work, and give her positive reinforcement for her efforts.
• Stop listening to the other parents when they brag about how responsible their kids are. They may be exaggerating. Most kids don't do chores until college (and many don't do them even then!).

Need More Responsibility?

Some kids can't wait to grow up. You know 'em, from the time they're a toddler, the very idea of being a child rankles. It's particularly hard on these kinds of kids if they have to deal, not only with being a child, but with the added indignity of being a younger sibling. The cure for a child like this? More responsibility. Put her to work. Make her feel important.

In general, kids don't always know when they want or need more responsibilities. Often they'll ask for them in reverse, by being less responsible than usual. Sound bizarre? Hey, lots about kids is bizarre, but this really isn't. It's an issue of ownership (remember chore ownership, above?). If your child feels useless, and that everything will always be done for her, why should she try to be responsible?

Take the story of Jeannie, who had very few responsibilities other than occasionally straightening her room. She began pushing her limits, never bringing the trash out of her room, leaving her clothes in great, wrinkled piles, and, most of all, arriving late to meals, complaining about the food, and never helping to even clear the table. Finally her parents put her in charge of cleaning the entire kitchen. “The kitchen is your domain, Jeannie,” they said, and sat back to wait. Jeannie whined, moaned, and (after a few unpleasant logical consequences such as having to stay home to complete her chores), got organized. Soon she was complaining when people left dirty dishes in the sink. And, amazingly, soon her room was even less of a mess (at least there were no dirty dishes moldering in corners!). Jeannie had claimed ownership of the kitchen, and her pride in her work began to “leak” into other parts of her life.

Putting a child in charge (you can be the “helper,” available when needed) will give her a sense of responsibility. Put your son in charge of doing laundry and imagine this scenario: Little Doug arriving at your bedroom door saying, “Dad, please strip your sheets before this afternoon so I can wash them.” Like the idea? I do.

“In a Minute, Mom“: Dealing with Procrastination

Chores are harder for some kids than they are for others, and temperament plays a big role in why.

Here's a true story: Robbie was 10, Matty was 9, and they both had Saturday responsibilities—straightening their rooms, picking up their toys from the rest of the house, and helping to clean the kitchen. The deal was that they needed to finish their responsibilities before they could go out to play. Matty, even though he was younger than Robbie, was very businesslike. Saturday mornings, he leapt right in, did his jobs, and was finished in 45 minutes. Robbie, on the other hand, tended to daydream, procrastinate, cry and whine about it, get distracted by toys, play, get reminded and yelled at, procrastinate again. It often took him most of the day to get his chores done.

If you have a child, like Robbie, who procrastinates, it's important not to feel sorry for him (all that sighing and moping). Once you take over and “rescue” him, he'll get the message that his responsibilities are optional. His modus operandi will become to stall until you take pity on him. He'll think, “If I wait long enough, Mom will get impatient enough to do it for me.”

Kids procrastinate for many reasons. If your child is having trouble with procrastination, consider why:

• Is he a perfectionist, afraid to start or finish for fear the work might not be good enough?
• Does he know how to do the job at hand?
• Is the task too much, too long, or too hard?
• Is he getting enough positive reinforcement when he finishes the job?
• Is it the solitude of working alone that is bothering him? (Can you make his work time more social, encourage him to break it up with “people breaks,” or work together as a team?)

So, Eliza finishes scrubbing the bathtub, and the ring is still there. Pop quiz! Do you:

1. Yell, “Eliza, this is terrible! Do it again!”
2. Say, “Nice try, Honey, I'll get this looking better in a jiffy,” as you roll up your sleeves and improve her work.
3. Say, “Wow, you sure have been working hard. Tell me what kind of cleaning stuff you were using. Just a wet towel? That's a good idea. Next time, you might try adding a little of this bleach, you may hate the smell, but it will save you a lot of elbow grease.”

Answer: C. When it comes to chores, look at the effort, not the results. If you need to give feedback for improvement, keep it positive, and never take over or redo your child's job. Keep in mind that you have two objects: getting the work done and teaching your child about responsibility, work ethic, and family participation. So the bathtub has a ring this week. Will the sky crash down? Eliza's ego certainly won't! Eliza tried, and effort counts. Criticizing the quality of her work would be counterproductive. She has years to learn how to clean a tub, but she'll only learn if she's motivated.

Excerpted from The Complete Idiot's Guide to a Well-Behaved Child © 1999 by Ericka Lutz. All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Used by arrangement with Alpha Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

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