An Interview with Bernie Siegel, M.D.
Learning and Joy
Brought to FEN by the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development
By Robert Sorenson
Bernie Siegel practiced general and pediatric surgery in New Haven, Connecticut, until he retired in 1989. In 1978, he started EdCap (Exceptional Cancer Patients) to help patients in a loving, safe, therapeutic confrontation that facilitates personal change and healing. Siegel's books include Love, Medicine and Miracles; Peace, Love and Healing; and his most recent success, How to Live Between Office Visits.
R.S.: What's the connection between great learning and joy?
Bernie: I have come to the realization that you have to be open-minded to learn. The history of man shows that we've sometimes fought new information and new ideas. People have been crucified for saying things like, "The earth is round," or "The earth isn't the center of the universe." There is no joy in that. It ends exploring and learning.
That's why I like to use the word "mystery" when I don't understand something. I can accept, explore, and learn from it. Ignorance comes from nonacceptance.
Frequently, I talk about following intuitive knowledge. If you look at many of the great changes in our history, they come from individuals who were intuitive, who woke up from a dream, who thought something was different. These are people who were open to new possibilities and to their inner guidance. They didn't rely solely on the path of intellect. That doesn't mean that we don't use our intellect or that we stop thinking. Intellect just isn't the whole solution. For me, learning is joyful when we connect with that wonderful creative energy and force.
What Kids Need Most
R.S.: What do you think kids need most in their homes and schools?
Bernie: I'd say love. I also think we need to train parents. Bringing up kids is difficult. We brought up five children when my wife and I were still kids. I made plenty of noise and plenty of mistakes. Since then, I've apologized to our children and told them, "Hey, I'm sorry. What did I know?"
One day our oldest son said to me, "How come the younger ones don't have to do what I did?" I responded, "Jonathan, I've learned that wasn't important." I recently found a 22-year-old journal of mine. In it, I'd written about my concerns about not being a good father, but that our children would turn out okay because they were great kids. I copied it and mailed it to all five, with a note that they are great.
If You Could Do It All Over Again...
R.S.: If you were a parent today and could start all over again, knowing all that you've been able to gather in this life, what would you teach your children?
Bernie: If I were a parent today, I would touch my child often because that lets children know that they are loved and it also changes them physically. I would repeat, "I love you" to that child. I would instill discipline, not punishment. I would also keep saying to that child that I'm not perfect as a parent. I've never had lessons, so if something comes up and I'm not doing it right, help me out or forgive me.
When problems occur, I'd also say to the child what my mother used to say to me: "God is redirecting you. Something good will come of this." Norman Vincent Peale's mother used to say to him, "Norman, if God slams one door, further down the corridor, another one will be opened."
That's what I would teach my children. I would also tell them that when they confront an affliction or adversity, they need to say, "What can I do with it?" If something wonderful happens, fine. But if something doesn't happen that you're thrilled about, you step back and ask, "What can I do with this?" That's what you have to do with your life.
Change Is Here To Stay
R.S.: A lot of parents and educators are dealing with the pace of change in the world these days. What are your thoughts on that?
Bernie: Change is part of life, so I expect things to change, and maybe that's why I accept it. It's ridiculous to try and get things to not change; you can't stop it. So that's why I say look at nature. You see, in a biological system, if there is not change, it is terribly dangerous to the system. Suppose your heart already beats 70 times per minute and all of a sudden something disturbs it. You could die. But if your heart is used to changing, then you can deal with that change in a heartbeat. Biological systems are not consistent because the ability to change is healthier than a rigid, fixed system that never changes. We need chaos in life.
Read more! Teaching and Joy is a collection of stories that illustrate how schools, families, and communities can be places where human beings experience joyful learning.
