Home > Kids > Behavior and Discipline > Behavioral Problems > Anger and Aggression > How to Use Your Anger in a Positive Way
|

How to Use Your Anger in a Positive Way

It's a Good Idea!

The trick is to use your anger to effectively teach your child discipline while improving your relationship with your child. How? By being clear, direct, and genuine.

Anger is a strong emotion, closely related to passion, and it can be a productive emotion. When you're furious, and you express your anger cleanly and fairly, you teach your child that angry feelings can be expressed in a way that doesn't harm anybody.

How, then, can you manage your anger in a positive way? How can you redirect it? How can you problem-solve your way out of conflict? Here are few suggestions for dealing with anger, frustration, and so on:

  • Make sure to take enough space so that you can see clearly, without the blood pounding through your eyes and creating a fine, red, veil of rage. Go pound a pillow, cry, tear old newspapers into tiny shreds, or meditate and relax. How about pounding the pillow and crying, then relaxing?
  • Watch that you're not responding to the lowly straw that broke the camel's back as though the straw is the only reason the back is broken. In other words, if you've had a rough day—you dumped a pot of tea over your lap in the morning, you forgot your report at home before a major client meeting and had to go back for it, and you spilled shoe dye all over your pants, shirt, floor, and wall when it “exploded” as you were trying to open it—don't lose it and belt your kid when he calls you a “dork.”
  • If the world is a grim, hard place today, warn your family that they're in the presence of an ogre. This doesn't give you free rein to act like an ogre. Or, let them know that you're like an airplane out of control. Putting out warning lights on the runway as you attempt an emergency landing might keep others from being crushed as you crash.
  • Even if your reaction is to utterly blow it, try to pull it together to respond effectively.
  • Work as hard as you can to express your anger clearly. Use language that demonstrates your emotions, needs, and values. Using “I” statements to state what you are angry about, and what you would like changed, shows your child how strongly you feel about her, and her behavior.
  • Once a conflict has been resolved, check in with yourself to see how you really feel. Is the anger still there? Find a friend or shrink to vent on, or jot it down in a journal. Don't bottle it up (see “The Icy Chill of Withdrawal,” above).
|

Excerpted from The Complete Idiot's Guide to a Well-Behaved Child © 1999 by Ericka Lutz. All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Used by arrangement with Alpha Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

To order this book visit Amazon's web site or call 1-800-253-6476.


stay connected

Sign up for our free email newsletters and receive the latest advice and information on all things parenting.

Enter your email address to sign up or manage your account.

Facebook icon Twitter icon Follow Us on Pinterest

editor’s picks

thanksgiving crafts & recipes

Make this Turkey
Day fun for the
whole family with
these essentials.

GO

highlights

3 Fun Thanksgiving Games for Kids
Looking for some great Thanksgiving games to play with your kids? Print our free Pin the Feathers on the Turkey game, Pin the Hat on the Pilgrim game, and Thanksgiving Parade Bingo game for loads of laughs this Turkey Day!

Kindergarten Readiness App Wins Gold
Our Kindergarten Readiness app won the Gold Award of Excellence in the educational category at the 2014 Communicator Awards. This valuable checklist comes with games and activities to help your child practice the essential skills she needs for kindergarten. Download the Kindergarten Readiness app today!

8 Surprising Sources of Caffeine in Kids' Foods
Even low doses of caffeine can have an effect on your child's health. Since the FDA doesn't require caffeine content on food labels, learn about hidden sources of caffeine in kids' diets.

Find Today's Newest & Best Children's Books!
Looking for newly released books for your child? Try our new Book Finder tool to search for new books by age, type, and theme, and create reading lists for kids!