Mom, What Does "Shag" Mean?

by Carleton Kendrick Ed.M., LCSW

A mother in Georgia is creating quite a stir. Outraged over the new Austin Powers doll, packaged in a box that asks, "Do I make you horny baby, do I?," Tamatha Brannon has filed an obscenity complaint against Toys 'R' Us and demanded that the store pull the doll from its shelves. Whether her reaction is excessive or not, she has brought an important issue to light.

Our kids are bombarded by suggestive and provocative messages in the media: sexually-exaggerated male and female action figures; detailed accounts of our president's sexual affairs; and daily doses of Victoria's Secret lingerie commercials. As a result, today's children are asking questions about sex at a much younger age.

Parents may decry having to discuss sex and sexuality with their young children before they expected to. Well, this is the world we live in. The mass media's messages do influence our kids' developing attitudes and behaviors about sex. So do the comments and sexual misinformation kids get from their peers.

Acknowledging these influences, and recognizing that accurate information and accompanying values are critical to a child's overall development, parents must assume the role of their children's primary sexual educator and resource. Our own embarrassment or discomfort about sex and sexuality discussions with our kids must not prevent us from giving them needed information and guidance -- at any age.

When Tamatha Brannon said on the "Today" show that she told her son that the word "horny" means being cold and getting goosebumps, she was doing her child a disservice. When a parent willfully lies to a child, or attempts to dismiss sexual concerns as "only for adults," the child's sense of trust and belief in his parent as a resource and confidant is greatly undermined. The parent may also shame the child by giving him inaccurate information which he will share with his peers. Four-year-olds don't need to know, and can't comprehend, what it means to be sexually excited by someone. But an 11-year-old can not only comprehend this, he has probably experienced this himself.

Before initiating, commenting upon, or responding to a sexual topic, it's wise to find out beforehand what your child knows about it: "Do you know anything about getting sexually transmitted diseases? Have you heard kids using the word horny?" Armed with this baseline information, you'll know better how to present your simple, direct information and values.

When kids ask questions about sex, whatever their age, we should be equipped to give them age-appropriate answers. If our young children always receive honest, empathetic answers about sex and sexuality, they'll be much more likely to use and trust us as sexual resources during their teenage years.

Read Carleton Kendrick's bio.

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