What to Expect When Mr. Right Enters Your Daughter's Life
Both mother and daughter will be overcome with joy if Mr. Right seems perfect to both of you. In addition to the euphoria, you may be surprised at some of the other emotions that surface. Getting prepared in advance for their entering the scene will promote mutual understanding and smooth over misunderstandings.
Here's what to expect and how to handle it:
- Mom, you may feel tossed out of the picture. A wise woman cut right to the core. "It takes time for your daughter to learn that she can love more than one person."
But be patient. She will come around, although it could take a while.
- Chances are, once your daughter falls in love you may lose the primary position as her confidante. A 1993 "New Woman" survey found that a majority of single women view their moms as the person who supports, appreciates, and loves them the most—before marriage that is. With matrimony on the horizon all that changes. Her primary confidante, supporter, and advice-giver becomes her soon-to-be spouse.
Do not compete for intimacy with her new partner in life. In fact, you should encourage their teamwork. Learning to share a daughter is traumatic for some women. But if you fight it, put pressure on her and create unnecessary tensions by demanding her child-like loyalty, you will embark on a contest you cannot and should not win. Such actions will only result in alienating you from her in the long run.
Mom's have to adjust to what is no longer their business. However, if you play your cards right, a new era of mother-daughter love is just around the corner.
- The need for your approval also seems to diminish once your daughter commits to a lifetime partner.
While these facts may throw moms into a fit of despair, there is a brighter more reassuring side of the coin. Life changes often become a time of mother-daughter reconciliation.
Excerpted from The Complete Idiot's Guide to Mothers and Daughters © 2001 by Rosanne Rosen. All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Used by arrangement with Alpha Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
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