The Sore Loser

by Dr. Michael Simon

Your 14-year-old has lost another tennis match. She throws down her racket and storms off the court, just as she did at the last two matches she lost. You've talked to her at length about the inappropriateness of her behavior, but you obviously did not get through to her.

What to say:
This situation demands a tougher response. You might say "I know you're really disappointed, but this poor behavior has occurred once too often. It's time to take a break from tournaments until you've learned how to keep your cool on the court."

Then you need to give your child tools to help her keep her cool. Try teaching her to use imagery, by picturing herself in a calming environment. "Channeling" is another technique to transfer emotional intensity into performance. Have your child pretend that her angry feelings are energy that can be channeled through the body and limbs to the equipment to "charge it up." Once charged with all this energy, the limbs and equipment perform better.

What this accomplishes:
This approach shows your daughter that, while you understand her feelings of disappointment, there are limits. She needs to know that you are willing to set and reinforce boundaries in order to teach the importance of sportsmanship and good character.