Sibling Rivalry in Sports

by Brooks Clarks

Sibling Rivalry is Natural in Sports. But it Doesn't Have to Mean War

"It's out!"
"Yeah, right!"
"It was out!"
"You're such a jerk!"

Brothers Brad and Joe, both talented athletes, spent their summers battling it out on the tennis court when they were kids. They argued and even tossed a few rackets. "We went at it pretty hard, didn't we?" recalls Brad, the older brother.

Brad and Joe are adults now. They were best friends as kids and are best friends today. They look back and laugh at their childhood rivalry. But it wasn't funny at the time.

As anyone with a sibling or more than one child of her own knows, sibling rivalry is a common state of affairs. Children compete for their parents' attention and approval. And even when parents try to create an environment in which their kids feel secure enough not to compete, conflict between sisters and brothers is likely to occur.

The family is, or should be, a safe place for children to learn how to express feelings of jealousy, anger, and aggression without fear of rejection. With guidance from caring adults, children can learn how to master those emotions and develop cooperation, self-control, and respect for others.

Spotlight on the Field
The sports arena adds another dimension to the sibling rivalry. The emotions and pressures kids feel in sports can intensify competitive juices. Differences in their ages or abilities can cause increased frustration or stress. Roles and rough spots at home become amplified when in a public setting.

"If you look at what's happening at home," says Jane Kimidy, a Chesapeake, Virginia, clinical social worker and former basketball and soccer coach, "sibling rivalry is going to play itself out on the playing field."

Sometimes that works out fine. Tennis phenom Venus Williams and her sister, Serena, have been on-court and off-court rivals for years and sometimes compete head-to-head in major tournaments. But they remain best friends.