Back to School at FamilyEducation.com
Home > Mom's Life > Family Relationships > Nontraditional Families > Stepfamilies > Winning Over Your Partner's Child
|

Winning Over Your Partner's Child

Who should you be when you are around your date's children? Besides the obvious answer (“You should be yourself”), there are some other things to consider, and to strive for:

Stepping Stones

As you think about your role as a stepparent, remember to turn the tables, and consider your own kids' needs and your partner's relationship with them.

  • Don't scold the child. That is not your role.
  • Don't ignore the child. Nobody likes to be ignored, and ignoring children doesn't work anyway. They just get more insistent and whiny.
  • Don't judge them.
  • Don't assume intimacy.
  • Consider the child's feelings, wishes, and plans. Have the parent ask permission to invite a friend (you!) over for dinner. It's the kid's house too, you know, and you are asking to spend time with the kid's parent.
  • Hold back. Let the child come to you. There's lots of time for intimacy.
  • Realize that any bad reaction may not be to you. The child may need some asserting that he will be loved and cared for just as he was before the divorce. Go slow.
  • Treat the child like a friend—a young friend, but a friend.
  • Remember that dating relationships can provide good role models. You are not evil for being there. If you believe it, you're on the road to having the kid believe it, too.
  • Concentrate on your love relationship, not your relationship with the whole family. The love and respect you are building forms the foundation of your relationship and, if you choose to take it further, of the family.
  • Hope and wait for the kids to realize that they can't and won't scare you away, that you are not trying to replace their parent, that you are not trying to steal their parent, and that you are respectful of them. Over time and with the right treatment, the kids will see the joy you bring to their parent.
  • And in case the adult love of your life isn't reading this book, too, and you've got little loves of your life at home, make sure you share the above words of wisdom with him. After all, you want your children's hearts to be won as well, yes?
|

Excerpted from The Complete Idiot's Guide to Stepparenting © 1998 by Ericka Lutz. All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Used by arrangement with Alpha Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

To order this book visit the Idiot's Guide web site or call 1-800-253-6476.


September 1, 2014



Don't forget to hydrate! Forego sugary juices and sodas and pack a bottle of water in your child's lunch. If your child likes a little more flavor, spice it up with lemon, lime, cucumbers, or fresh fruit.


stay connected

Sign up for our free email newsletters and receive the latest advice and information on all things parenting.

Enter your email address to sign up or manage your account.

Facebook icon Twitter icon Follow Us on Pinterest

editor’s picks

get ready for school!

We’ve got your
shopping list,
lunch menu,
and more.

GO

highlights

Join BIC on our mission to save handwriting and Fight For Your Write! Writing helps kids become better readers, boosts their confidence and sparks their creativity. Visit BICFightForYourWrite.com to sign our petition to save handwriting!

14 Back-to-School Fashion Trends for 2014
Send your kids back to school looking sharp! Check out 2014's hottest back-to-school fashion trends, from clothes to shoes and accessories.

Put a Stop to Bedtime Struggles
Steer clear of tears at bedtime with these helpful bedtime tips and this printable bedtime routine checklist for kids.

Kindergarten Readiness App Wins Gold
Our Kindergarten Readiness app won the Gold Award of Excellence in the educational category at the 2014 Communicator Awards. This valuable checklist comes with games and activities to help your child practice the essential skills she needs for kindergarten. Download the Kindergarten Readiness app today!