Stress and Kids
by Diana BohmerIt was a typical drive home. Clea Winneg was listening to her son Ben telling his little sister Anna about how she would get to ride the bus next year when she went to kindergarten. Suddenly Anna said, "OK, now let's talk about my worries."
It seemed like such a strange, grown-up thing to say. To be four and a half years old and have a list of worries? Whatever happened to the innocent, carefree world of childhood?
"What are your worries?" Clea asked. She and Ben were all ears as Anna, a very precocious and matter-of-fact little girl, proceeded to tell her fears about being a kindergartner. "I won't know how to do all the work. It's going to be too hard for me. And I'm scared of the rough boys on the bus," Anna explained.
What is stress?
Not all kids are as direct as Anna when it comes to talking about the things that bother them. She may be more articulate than other kids, but the fact that she has stress doesn't make her unusual at all. "If you ask kindergartners what brings them stress, they may not be able to answer you," says Beth Greenberg, Associate Director of the Education Initiative at Boston's Mind/Body Medical Institute. "But if you ask them, 'What makes a bad day for you?' they can give you lots of answers. And that's stress. We just have to use different language for different age groups. And if people think their kids don't have it, then they are pretty out of the loop."
OK, so now that we know kids have stress, what exactly is it? According to Greenberg, who trains teachers in stress management techniques for their students, the definition of stress is very simple: any change that a person does not feel they have the resources to cope with. "That could be something like a bus suddenly speeding around the corner, or a test that is sprung on a kid he hasn't prepared for." Greenberg says that the sources of stress depend on a kid's environment. For some kids, their stress comes from a basic lack of personal safety (if they live in an unsafe neighborhood); for others, stress comes from not knowing if they will get into the college of their choice.
Negative stress is associated with a physiological reaction called the 'fight or flight response'. This is an automatic reaction to perceived danger, and it evolved in humans as a survival tool. The heart beat quickens, pupils dilate, palms sweat, and breathing tightens. In prehistoric times, this response was triggered in threatening situations, when physical survival depended on fighting or running away from wild beasts.
These days, the 'fight or flight' response still kicks in, and stress continues to be an intensely physical condition for you and your kids. Instead of facing a wild beast, your kid has ride the school bus for the first time, deal with relationship problems in play group, and adjust to losing loved ones through divorce or death. What's the effect of all the surplus energy produced by the fight or flight response? Unless it has an outlet, it begins to wear down your body. It not only feels bad, but over long periods of time, stress weakens the immune system, and contributes to ailments like heart disease and high blood pressure. The psychological effects include low self-esteem and depression. The problem for you and your kids is that you usually can't stop what you're doing and run around outside. Or talk to a friend, or whatever else you do to relax. The good news is that there are other ways to cope with stress, and you and your kid can learn them together! After consulting Dr. Lois Love, a school psychologist in Pittsburgh, and Carleton Kendrick, FEN's own parenting expert, and Beth Greenberg, we put together this list.
