When It Comes to Coping with Stress, It's All in the Family!

by Carleton Kendrick, Ed.M., LCSW

Kid stress is family stress
Are you stressed? Well, if you're ready to climb the walls, chances are your kids will be stressed, too. How children handle stress is very often a function of how their family handles stress. Chronically worried parents teach their kids to move through life in an inappropriately anxious and overwhelmed manner. Frightened about what's around the corner. Expecting the worst. It's a "powerless victim" mentality.

"Stress language"
We need to continually monitor our own stress levels, how we are responding to events, and the "stress language" we use ("I can't seem to get ahead, no matter how hard I try." "This project is going to kill me.") Often, a child who is chronically stressed is worried about her inability to meet her parent's unrealistic expectations: "Next week you turn two--that means you need to start making bm's on the potty," or " We expect all A's on that report card next term."

Parents who face stress with resiliency, whether it's an illness, a life transition, or a tax audit, give children their most important tool to manage stress-- successful models of how to cope with anxiety-provoking thoughts and situations.

Encouraging words that make a big difference You can't prevent or remove negative stress from your kids' lives, but you can help them manage it: