Pregnancy
The Do's and Don'ts of Dealing with Tantrums
How to stop tantrums
When your child starts screaming, kicking, or turning blue, try to stay calm. Your toddler has already lost control of herself; she needs you to stay in control. Here are some things you can do:
Childproofing
Never lock your toddler in a room either to discipline her or to calm a tantrum. Not only will this forced separation likely produce hysteria, but it also makes it impossible for your child to atone for her misbehavior: to come back to you and apologize.
Q-tip
If you need to cut a tantrum short, try saying something silly to your child or making a ridiculous face at her. A particularly headstrong toddler will try to maintain her anger, but it won't be easy. Although your toddler may not want to let go of her anger yet, she can't laugh and have a tantrum at the same time.
- Don't yell. You may feel tempted to return your toddler's screaming with some yelling of your own. But seeing your anger when she's already got enough of her own will no doubt drive your child even farther over the edge. Your own yelling will tend to prolong your child's tantrum, because it will set her off again and again.
- Don't bother trying to reason with your child while she's having a tantrum. No toddler can listen to reason while caught inside the whirlwind of a tantrum.
- Unless your child is likely to hurt herself or others or break things, you should probably just ignore the tantrum until it goes away. If your presence seems to be aggravating your toddler's tantrum or you're getting angry and can't stand it any more, leave the room.
- Try to avoid long, drawnout scenes in which you beg, bribe, urge, or command your child to regain control of herself. If you allow the tantrum to become a big scene, you will be rewarding your child with "too much" attention. (Sometimes attracting even negative attention is better than no attention at all.) Creating a scene will not only prolong the tantrum, but it may provoke repeat performances in the near future. If, however, you deny your tantrum-torn toddler an audience, she will call off the performance as soon as she can.
- Later, when your child's comprehension improves, explain that her tantrum is making you angry (if you really are getting angry). Say that though you'd like to stay, you don't want to be in the same room when she's out of control and you're angry at her. Again, make it clear that you still love your child even when you're angry at her.
More on: Your Toddler and Preschooler
Excerpted from:
Excerpted from The Complete Idiot's Guide to Parenting a Preschooler and Toddler, Too © 1997 by Keith M. Boyd, M.D., and Kevin Osborn. All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Used by arrangement with Alpha Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
To order this book click here or call 1-800-253-6476.
