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The Boss Game

A game that I often recommend to families with teenagers is called Boss. This game encourages families to have fun with one another and to see the world through each other's eyes. Best of all, family members discover sides of each other that have gone untouched for too long. Parents, in particular, often have a glimpse of their teenager displaying some level of mastery that catches them by surprise.

Boss is a simple game with simple rules. Pick a block of time, usually two hours or more, then divide that by the number of people playing—that's the amount of time each person has. It's ideal when the whole family can play together, but if they can't, make do with those you have. If you have two hours and four people are playing, each person is allotted thirty minutes. Each player then draws a straw, or by some other random process picks one of the four blocks of time—first half-hour, second half-hour, third half-hour, or fourth half-hour. During your block of time, you are the boss and in charge of what you do as a group. These are the only two guidelines: You can't pick an activity that goes against someone's morals or that endangers anyone's health; and when you are not the boss, you must enthusiastically go along with whatever activity the boss has chosen.

I ended up with the first, forty-five minute block. I chose a family hike in the recreation area near our house. It was wonderful, primarily because everyone, according to the rules of the game, was in a great mood. Lots of laughter, joking, and general fun. But then it was Nan's turn (our fifteen-year-old daughter). She took us up to her room and announced that we were all going to write in our diaries for the entire block, which we did. It was strange at first, but after a while we were all writing away, looking up every once in a while at each other, but then quickly returning to our own writing. I was bored after about ten minutes, but I stuck with it and stayed cheerful, too. When Nan announced that time was up, I was on a roll and started to object; that is, until I remembered that it was my son's turn.

Ken (thirteen years old) took us into the basement and proceeded to play his electric guitar for his "adoring fans." That's right, he had us play his groupies. Although it was way too loud for me, I must admit that by the end I could see how much he loved playing music; and not only that, I realized that he was turning into a handsome young man with lots of stage presence. At the conclusion of his block, my wife stepped in and announced that we were all marching up to the kitchen where we were going to prepare dinner while she oversaw our work. She had us make brouchetta, Caesar salad, crab cakes, corn on the cob, and ice cream sundaes for dessert. Ironically, she worked harder than any of us by just trying to keep up with our questions and our general bumbling—at least for me, but my daughter and son were much better than I was. And we actually spent lots of that time laughing with each other, at each other, and at ourselves.

Best of all, when her block ended, dinner was ready and we all shared a wonderful feast. Of course, minutes after dinner was over, Nan was on the phone with a friend and Ken was heading out the back door to meet some buddies. Nonetheless, my wife and I hung out at the dining room table drinking an extra glass of wine and basking in one another's company.

The point of playing Boss together is that it brings fun, curiosity, and connection back into the family. Yes, it's pretty contrived at the beginning, but once you get into it, most people have wonderful things to report about playing the game together as a family.