Being 16-17 Means . . .

"What Are You Looking At?"

• You are comfortable now with abstract thinking. It's the rest of your life you may not be comfortable with. You truly can't remember not thinking this way. You have sympathy for those poor fourteen-year-old youngsters.
• Your new brain power contributes to your all-consuming interest in questioning your parents, as well as all those brazen enough to assert authority, from a waiter to a traffic officer to a vice principal. This challenging approach to life simply becomes a staple of your life.
• You contemplate college, perhaps for the first time. Then, and almost instantaneously, college pressures weigh you down, coloring every decision. (How will this affect my GPA? What do I need to do to get into a first-rate university? I won't get into medical school if I don't get an A in Biology.)
• You meditate all the time on the deepest meaning of . . . sex. (LOVE!)
• If you're lucky, you possess your own wheels. If you are even "luckier," you don't have to sweat all the time about car repairs and insurance. Your car gives shape and direction to your whole social existence.
• You know you will never be mistaken for a little kid anymore—not even by your suddenly sentimentalizing parents. Every time your parent asks you, Remember the time when . . . , you wince and stare down into your cereal bowl and hope the story will be a short one.
• Your relationships intensify, and friends become more dependable. You, too, become a more dependable friend.
• Now you begin your idealization of certain people, such as an important coach, teacher, or boss. This may temporarily drive your parents nuts, which has the advantage, for you, of keeping them occupied.
• You develop a stronger personal identity while at the same time remaining fragile.
• You discover vehicles for your passions, not all of them (as you can almost admit to yourself at certain times) the appropriate ones.
• You begin to see your own families more clearly, or so you think. You're amazed they can't see their enormous character flaws.
• This is the time you believe you need to assert independence from the family.
• You wait and hope that your parents will back off a little. Overmanage at your own risk, you want to say. (But don't back off too far . . . , which is something you can't say.)

Juniors will usually exert a powerful influence on the whole high school universe. Juniors will aspire to be leaders, to make a difference in school organizations, and to perform community service. They will try to take over school publications, performances, and teams. They will have a vision. They will feel the power. So much else is going on, too. They will have a list of colleges they might consider blessing with their attendance. They speak to adults as if they were equals. And adults address them in nearly comparable fashion.

For all the talk about junior year being the toughest for kids, when standardized tests loom in greater importance, when the academic courses seem more challenging, when so much is expected of them in class and on teams and in extracurricular activities, this can also be the best of times. They see the light at the end of the high school tunnel, and the idea thrills them. They develop goals and work toward their dreams. They are romantic, in the broadest sense of the term, yearning for connection, knowledge, relationship, friendship, influence on adults, and power over their own lives.

It's a rare school where the faculty looks at the juniors and does not say, "This is going to be a great senior class." In other words, it's a year of hope and promise. And every parent gives thanks to be done with the sophomore year.

More on: Surviving the Teen Years