Your Teen's Room: Tips for Compromise
One reason your teen's room is a mess may be because the storage arrangement no longer works. Just try stacking sweaters for a 14-year-old in the same space where sweaters for a 6-year-old were stored, or putting ice hockey equipment where a baseball bat used to go, and you'll begin to understand that your teen's needs are changing.
Answer the Teen Room Questionnaire to help you form an action plan.
Tuning In
Once parents have a teenager, they often experience a tremendous urge to “help” their kids grow up by getting rid of stuffed animals and tossing out baseball cards. But what's the hurry? Teenagers are in transition, and by letting them keep one foot in childhood for days when they need it, you help make the passage to adulthood a gradual one. By letting them keep some things, you convey the message that it's okay to take two steps forward and then a step back. They'll get where they are going faster and easier if you let them. If space is at a premium, there are solutions. Ask your teen to choose the items that are most important to him. Offer to box up the rest and store the box on a shelf or in the basement indefinitely.
Based on this evaluation, make a list of some of the changes that you can make that will create a better room for your teen.
If you decide that redecorating is in order, resist the urge to make the decisions yourself. Talk to your teen. He may offer color or design suggestions, and you can let him make choices from pictures in a catalog or swatches you bring home from the fabric store.
Explain to your teen that while it's his room, it's your house, and though you'll try to let him have what he wants, you both may need to compromise. For example, if he wants an all-black room, you might suggest that black be the accent color, since you would find black walls very difficult to live with. If the two of you enter into it with goodwill, there should be a way to make each of you reasonably happy.
Re-Thinking the Space
Consider the function of the various parts of your teen's room. Most bedrooms should accommodate a dressing area with a mirror (near the closet and/or dresser), a quiet area (the bed and perhaps a comfortable chair), and a work area (a desk). Consider traffic flow from the main door to the various parts of the room. (The bed is generally the largest piece of furniture; don't place it so it disrupts flow.)
If siblings share a room, consider whether there's a way to create privacy within the shared space. Some families use bookcases as room dividers. You could also rig up some type of cloth divider. Or think about glass block (large bricks of glass). It's opaque but translucent, so it provides privacy but allows light to filter through to the internal side of the room. If the space is not big enough to divide (or if the siblings don't want a divided space), try to create separate storage areas. Having adequate space for each person's belongings can make shared living much more pleasant.
Does the room make a statement about the family attitude toward studying? A room with no bookshelves or study space may be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Even if your teen prefers to study elsewhere in the house, provide space in his room for additional study materials. There should always be shelves for books—with room for both his old favorites and new discoveries.
Lighting is important. In addition to an overhead fixture, there should be good supplementary lighting by the bed, by the desk, or in any area where your teen may read or work.
Many home supply superstores sell new “closet systems” that are great space savers. They can help make a small closet seem larger by providing double hanging and shelf space in closets that were wasted with a single pole. You can have professional companies install this for you.
Tuning In
The more healthy outlets you give teenagers for self-expression, the less need they'll have to find unhealthy ones.
If you're having shelves built for additional storage, have a coat of polyurethane added. It makes for better storage and easier cleanup.
Most teens like to express themselves through what they hang on the wall. Tackboard that can be painted the same color as the wall can be cut to fill an entire wall, leaving plenty of space for tacking posters, pictures, photographs, and small mementos on the wall without doing any damage. This system also permits a teen to update her interests regularly. Though teens report that the state of their room is a relatively low priority most of the time, they do look at the space as a haven. If you can instill a sense of control that will bring with it pride, you'll have gone a long way toward creating a neater room.
Organization, Teen-Style
If you think your teen is capable of reorganizing her room on her own, think again. Reorganizing a room is an overwhelming task for an adult, and you're going to need to help out. It's best if the two of you work together. (Even if you're not organized by nature, the following guidelines will give you the basics to straighten out a room. You may like it so well, you'll implement these measures throughout the house!) If your teenage son has no patience for folding and putting away T-shirts, let him handle a more difficult project that is his responsibility anyway, like sorting through memorabilia or deciding which books he wants to keep in his room.
Set aside several blocks of time or a full day to reorganize. You'll need a spray cleaner, dust cloth, vacuum, garbage bag, and laundry basket. Also bring in some boxes and label them “To Store Elsewhere” and “To Give Away.” You'll also want boxes (or you can create piles) of the items that will stay in the room: desk items, books, mementos, collections, sports equipment, and so on.
Working clockwise around the room, sift through all items and classify them, dusting or cleaning each area as it's emptied. You'll need your teen's input on which items to toss and which to save.
Consider where the “To Store” items will be kept. Oversized sports equipment might belong in the garage or basement (buy a basket or bin to keep items from rolling around and tripping up the whole family); a plastic box might be perfect for holding a baseball-card collection; and it may finally be time to buy your daughter a makeup organizer.
If you use storage containers, make them accessible. The key to getting a teen to put something away is to make sure that she won't have to lift or open anything extra in order to do it. (Stacked baskets and storage units within a closed cabinet just don't get used.)
Excerpted from The Complete Idiot's Guide to Parenting a Teenager © 1996 by Kate Kelly. All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Used by arrangement with Alpha Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
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