Dating Violence and Your Teen: Know the Facts

by Lindsay Hutton

In February 2009, teen pop star Chris Brown allegedly beat and verbally threatened his celebrity girlfriend Rihanna inside his car before leaving her and driving off. Rihanna is 21 years old; Brown is 19.

While stories such as this don't usually make national headlines, Brown and Rihanna have spotlighted a very real issue amongst teens. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), teen dating abuse affects 1 out of every 11 high school students.

Teen dating violence, as defined by the Crime and Violence Prevention Center (CVPC), includes hitting, yelling, threatening, name calling, or any other form of verbal, sexual, emotional, or physical abuse. It affects every race, gender, religion, and socioeconomic class, and occurs in both heterosexual and gay relationships. Although both men and women can be the abuser, the National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center (NYVPRC) states that females ages 16-24 are almost three times more likely to be the victim of partner abuse than the national average of any other age group.

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Teens who are involved in an abusive relationship usually do not tell loved ones of their situation, so it is important for parents, guardians, and close friends to recognize any warning signs. Alarmingly, a recent survey conducted by the NYVPRC found that 81% of parents either believe teen dating violence is not an issue, or admit they don't know if it's an issue. To help raise awareness, NYVPRC provides some signs to be conscious of, including:

• Unexplained bruising, scratches, or injuries
• Signs a teen is afraid of his/her boyfriend or girlfriend
• Controlling behavior exhibited by a boyfriend or girlfriend, and acting jealous and/or possessive
• Critical and insulting behavior by a teen's boyfriend or girlfriend
• Abusive behavior by a boyfriend or girlfriend toward other people or things
• The need for the teen to apologize for his/her boyfriend or girlfriend's behavior
• Loss of interest in school, activities, or hobbies
• Sudden appearance and behavior changes
• Mood changes such as acting depressed, secretive, anxious, or acting out
• Starting to use drugs and/or alcohol

Although some of these signs are part of normal teen behavior, there is a cause for concern if these changes happen suddenly or without explanation. The CDC states that dating abuse affects life outside of dating relationships. Abused teens are more likely to do poorly in school and engage in drug and alcohol use. In addition, abusive relationships can lead to eating disorders, depression, and suicide. Since the patterns of violence can be carried to future relationships, abused teens are three times more likely to experience violence during college, and are more likely to be involved in partner violence in adulthood.

How to help
Since many people in a violent relationship feel ashamed and usually blame themselves, the first step toward getting help is admitting abuse. The Massachusetts Medical Society offers tips for parents to talk to their teen about dating violence, and what to do if they suspect their teen is in an unhealthy or abusive relationship:

• Tell your teen you are there to listen and help, not to judge.
• If your teen does not want to talk to you, help him or her find a trusted adult to talk with.
• Focus on your teen, and not on putting down the abuser. Point out how unhappy your teen seems to be while with this person.
• If your teen wants to break up with the abuser, recommend that the breakup be final and definite.
• Support your teen's decision and be ready to help.
• Take whatever safety measures are necessary to protect your teen. Consider getting help from guidance counselors, the school principal, or the police if necessary.
• Ask for teen dating violence and intervention programs at your teen's school.

Getting help as soon as possible could be a matter of life and death for your teen. For more information on teen dating violence, visit the following professional websites:

• The National Center for Victims of Crime
• Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
• National Teen Dating Violence Prevention Initiative
• National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center