Original URL: http://life.familyeducation.com/teen/stress/39306.html

A Positive School Environment for Girls

When psychologist and author Daniel Goleman discusses the sort of school culture that encourages students to develop people skills or emotional literacy, he suggests building "a place where students feel respected, cared about, and bonded to classmates and teachers." Essentially, he is describing a supportive community.

The teenage girls I speak with wholeheartedly agree. When it comes to their feelings about school, there seems to be no middle ground: Either they feel safe and cared for, or they are unhappy. Danielle, a Girls' Life reader who is a freshman, vividly describes what it feels like for girls in less than ideal school settings:

I have had to adjust to two new teachers so far this year, which I think adds to the stress. My homeroom teacher was moved across town because he was accused of sexual harassment. My German teacher retired unexpectedly, and now we have this teacher who can't speak English and no one is learning anything. Today, two students were kicked out for "being bad," and neither of those two students deserved to be moved. Our principal is recording our class now. It is rather depressing to start your school day off with total and utter chaos. So, for me, learning isn't fun anymore, which is unfortunate.

Not surprisingly, when I ask teens about the one thing they would change to make their school experiences better, girls (but not boys) want to strengthen their ties with the people they see daily and improve the social climates of their schools. For example, girls in middle school and high school say they would like

• "Nicer friends and teachers."
• "More empathic friends."
• "Friendlier people."
• "Fewer cliques."
• "Closer relationships with faculty and staff."
• "More caring and helpful teachers."

These findings dovetail with data from the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, the most comprehensive study ever conducted of American adolescents and their parents. Psychologists at the University of Minnesota found that schools with positive climates--characterized by factors such as well-managed classrooms and moderate disciplinary policies--may reduce teens' emotional distress along with their risk of substance use, deviant behavior, violence, and pregnancy.

The key factor is students' sense of attachment to their schools. Although most students in most schools reported feeling connected, a staggering one third of teens feel disenfranchised. As you wonder whether your daughter's school environment facilitates connectedness, consider the following findings:School Characteristics
It may surprise you that school type--whether your daughter attends a public, private, or parochial school--has been found to have no effect on the connectedness of students. Neither does class size. Even the level of teachers' educational experience has no impact. But the size of the school matters. When schools are smaller (ideally, fewer than six hundred students), kids feel more connected because there is more personal contact among students, faculty, and administration. Theoretically, the better girls and their teachers get to know one another and feel comfortable with one another, the more likely they are to develop personal relationships.

Classroom Management
How classrooms are managed is also vital. Students feel more connected when they are treated as valued members of the school community. Teachers make this happen when they consistently acknowledge every student--not just the highly achieving ones or personal favorites. Teens also feel respected when they are allowed to manage themselves rather than being micromanaged. For example, they appreciate having input on curricula, classroom rules, and grading criteria. They also feel more connected to schools with moderate--rather than strict, harsh, or zero-tolerance--disciplinary policies.

Social Inclusion
The University of Minnesota study also found that connectedness is associated with social inclusion. Students who feel most integrated with their schools have friends in class, across race and gender, and in overlapping cliques. Connected teens are also involved in extracurricular activities. These factors go hand in hand. The safer and more accepted teen girls feel in school, the more apt they are to join in; and the more they participate in school-related activities, the more connected they feel to their peers, teachers, and administrators.

A Tolerant School Culture
In my experience, what enables this kind of involvement is a tolerant school culture in which girls feel less pressure to .t in and conform. The road to social success is not a tightrope, but a wider, less precarious path. In relatively open-minded middle schools and high schools, for example, girls believe that social inclusion and popularity are determined by more than superficial or elusive qualities. They think it is okay, perhaps even cool, to be smart. Roles in the school play, math prizes, and creative writing publications are valued along with softball trophies. Social acceptance isn't determined by a certain brand of jeans, a boyfriend from the popular crowd, or being seen at a particular party.

Addie describes her high school as inclusive: "There's not a vicious popularity thing going on here. This group of guys and girls has been friends since elementary school. It's not about money or clothes. You don't have to have blond hair or blue eyes. It's how long you've known them and if you mesh well together."

There is a similarly nonjudgmental attitude about body type that is liberating to these teenage girls. "Skinny isn't a requirement," announces Suzanne, a senior in one of my focus groups. "Just be toned, not enormous, and wear something flattering for you." She adds, "A lot of people are trying to see what's healthy and better for people." This outlook encourages girls to reach out and make friends.

Ella, on the other hand, portrays a harsh high school climate that discourages girls from feeling socially included: "The type of girls who some call nerds, the ones who always eat alone and in others' point of view hit their heads on lockers and snort, my guess is the pressure for them is fitting in. Every popular girl in school makes fun of them in different ways, like for their clothes."What Administrators Can Do
To foster students' connectedness with school, the same University of Minnesota researchers offered numerous recommendations for administrators, including:

• Turning mistakes into learning opportunities rather than punishment
• Honoring accomplishments and competencies of all kinds, including helpfulness, good citizenship, improved performance, volunteerism, participation in decision making, and cessation of negative behaviors
• Reinforcing expectations for positive behavior and academic success
• Inviting all students, family, and community members to take active roles in the daily operation of school
• Creating and displaying a common vision of success

In addition, I believe it is important for school administrators to heed parents' and teachers' concerns about the social well-being of students. It is essential that they listen carefully to students who report incidents of being disrespected or harassed. They might, among other approaches, invite speakers to discuss social issues affecting teens and establish age-appropriate programs to reach out to alienated or socially immature students, such as social skill building or lunch-bunch groups.

What Parents Can Do
For parents who want to encourage their daughters' connections in school, the study suggested the following strategies:

• Be a model of respect, cooperation, and positive behavior in all interactions with the school.
• Show interest.
• Participate in school events.
• Maintain regular contact with teachers.
• Be present when things go wrong.
• Volunteer at school and support school leaders.

This all sounds good in theory. But in the real world, the guidelines for if, when, and how to get involved appropriately in your daughter's educational world are probably getting blurrier and more confusing by the day. For one, you may be finding that now that she is past the elementary years, her school may not ask for your involvement or be as receptive to your requests. You probably have less contact with your daughter's various teachers. It also may be challenging to fully support your daughter's school if she is struggling academically or socially, if she and a teacher are clashing, or if you have philosophical differences with the administration.

Your daughter, too, may be giving you different--more likely, mixed--signals about how much she wants you involved in her school. The girl who used to enthuse about your being Class Mother, making costumes for the play, or demonstrating the dreidel game at the annual holiday party may become apoplectic whenever you show up on school property. This attitude is a normal reflection of your adolescent daughter's need for autonomy, but doesn't have to exclude you from the information loop.Perhaps a more delicate and tactful approach is needed. Rather than being a weekly volunteer in the classroom, for example, you may have to find alternate (that is, behind-the-scenes) ways to stay involved and in the know, such as working at the book fair, editing the school newsletter, attending parent-teacher organization meetings, volunteering backstage, or serving on the school board.

By keeping you in touch with teachers and other parents, these activities will add to your reservoir of information. To avoid upsetting your daughter, ask her in advance how she would feel if you sold tickets to an upcoming dance or acted as a chaperone. You might reassure her--"Don't worry, I won't look all over for you or hang out with your friends!"--and agree beforehand on the nature of any contact you will have with her during such events.

It is still hard for parents to assess how a daughter's school culture influences her sense of self and ability to relate to others. It is a challenge to sift through a teen's complaints, problems, and hurt feelings to ferret out signs of potentially serious or pervasive discomfort. But the bottom line is, does your daughter believe she is in a caring place where teachers and administrators listen to students, take their concerns seriously, and are emotionally available to them?

Pay close attention to what she reports during the school day, as well as what details she omits. Be especially alert to stories of striking inequality, incidents that make her feel stupid or insignificant, or her capitulation to policies or values to which she is usually opposed. One surefire sign of an uncomfortable, if not harmful, situation is your daughter suddenly turning negative about school.

This was brought home to me many years ago when my own daughter was in fifth grade. Initially, I didn't take too seriously her complaints about her first male teacher. But eventually my ears perked up. Some of his remarks did seem odd and even inappropriate. He did seem blatantly biased toward boys. Then my daughter began to report that her male gym teacher made the boys into game captains because "they know the rules better" and penalized girls--but not boys--who forgot their sneakers.

Finally, I realized something had to be done. With my coaching, my daughter decided to speak to her principal, a gentle man who nodded sympathetically but did nothing. Then she and a group of girls began to commiserate with each other. This prompted them to band together, get up their nerve, and knock on the door of the guidance counselor, a passionate and opinionated woman who was outraged by what they told her. Whether or not real changes occurred at school, what made all the difference to these girls was knowing that their parents and at least one authority figure at their school would listen to them, validate their concerns, and support them.

There are times when it is necessary for parents to intervene. If your daughter's attempts to rectify problems with school personnel are unsatisfying--or, worse, if she feels dismissed or diminished--you may have to step in.