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Driver's License, Driving, and Use of the Family Car

• At what age should a teenager get his driver's license?

• When should she be allowed to use the car alone?

• How frequently should my son drive?

  These are frequent questions and concerns of parents of teenagers. It is difficult to give a specific answer to these questions, because each child is different, and driving and use of the car must be considered on an individual basis. Other factors besides age must be considered in arriving at the decision of when a teenager should be allowed to drive.

  The major reasons parents are reluctant to let their adolescents drive center around two basic areas: immaturity and irresponsibility.

• She still acts like a child. How can I allow her to drive a car?

• His temper is so bad that I am afraid to allow him behind the wheel, because I don't know what would happen if he got angry while driving.

• He does not do what he is supposed to in regard to his schoolwork, so I do not have any confidence that he will do what he is supposed to while driving.

• Why should I let her have the privilege of driving when she does nothing around the house? I have to fight with her to get her to do the simplest thing, like picking up her clothes or cleaning up the kitchen after she eats.

In general, these parents are saying that the teenager shows behaviors that are more consistent with those of a younger child, or that the adolescent is not showing the level of responsibility she should show for her age.

Other Factors, Not Age, Determine a Readiness to Drive
Maturity and responsibility are not time-acquired behaviors; that is, a child does not become mature at 16, 18, or 21, nor does he acquire appropriate responsibility at a specific age. These behaviors are acquired through learning. If your child is not showing an appropriate level of maturity or responsibility for his age, he has not learned them.

Maturity
In general, maturity means behaving or possessing skills appropriate for one's age. There are five general areas of maturity.

• Physical. This area pertains to the development of physical skills. A child might be ten years old, but show the fine-motor coordination of a seven-year-old. Therefore, he may have some problems writing or manipulating a pencil when it comes to performing at a fifth-grade level. Physical immaturity may also involve gross motor coordination or other physical attributes.

• Academic. This refers to the development of skills that are necessary in the academic setting. A child may be in fifth grade, but reading on a third-grade level. A lack of academic maturity may also pertain to some intellectual deficits (e.g., a slow learner).

• Social. This pertains to the development of age-appropriate skills required to interact with other children. A child may be 15, but his social development is similar to that of a ten-year-old.

• Emotional. This pertains to emotional reactions to situations. A 13-year-old still has temper tantrums. The 12-year-old may whine when he does not get his way. The 13-year-old cries when faced with a problem. In general, their emotional reaction to situations is not consistent with their age, but more similar to that of a younger child.

• Behavioral. This involves behavior factors such as responsibility, attention span, concentration. The child is 15, yet the parents still have to fight with him to do his homework.

The levels of maturity that usually relate to ability to function adequately behind the wheel of a car involve the last two areas: emotional and behavioral.

Responsibility
Responsibility generally means doing what you have to do because you have to do it, not because you want to do it. It involves duties, chores, and other tasks. On the part of the teenager, it may involve schoolwork, picking up after himself, taking care of his room, coming home on time, and many other similar behaviors.

Helping the Teenager Develop Appropriate Behavior
If you have a teenager whose emotional attitude and behavior are not at a level that would allow you to trust him and let him get a driver's license or use the car, there are several things that can be done to help build this trust.

Responsible or mature behaviors seen in one area may allow you to have more confidence in a child in a totally different area. For example, let's say you have two neighbors. One neighbor takes care of his house, cuts the grass, repairs things when broken, and generally shows a great deal of pride and concern for his house. Your other neighbor very seldom cuts the grass, leaves his house in disrepair, and has a lot of trash in his backyard. You have a car that you have a great deal of attachment to and value highly. Both of these people come to you and ask you to borrow this valued possession. Which neighbor would you trust with the car? Although neither one of these people has ever borrowed your car before, the behavior they show in other areas of their lives enables you to trust one more than the other.

Many times with teenagers you can use other areas in their lives to help you develop enough trust or confidence in them to allow them to get a license and drive. Specify the Behaviors
Try to stay away from general concepts like, "You will be able to drive when you do better in school," "You will get your driver's license when you show me more responsibility," or "When you act your age, I will consider allowing you to get behind the wheel of a car." Your definition of doing better in school, showing more responsibility, and acting one's age is probably different from your teenager's. Be very specific and map out exactly what the child has to do in order to obtain the goal. Avoid broad, general concepts. Following are several examples of behavioral problems and methods of dealing with them:

1. Poor school performance. An adolescent is doing poorly in school because she is not doing what she is supposed to do (homework, class work, paying attention in class). This child already has her driver's license, but you do not feel that her level of responsibility in school warrants the use of the car.

   You might want to set up a weekly communication system with the school to monitor her behavior and performance. Under this system, you obtain weekly progress reports from her teacher regarding the completion of homework and class work and her behavior or attention in class.

   The child can earn a total of 30 points for the week for perfect performance. You might tell her that 15 points will get her the use of the car one day during the weekend, 20 points will get her two days, and anything over 25 points will allow her to use the car the entire weekend. By using a method like this, you have shown the teenager exactly what "doing better in school" means, and if she wants to use the car, she knows what she has to do in order to obtain this privilege.

2. Problems with temper. Another child wants to obtain his driver's license, but has difficulty controlling his temper. He also becomes easily upset and agitated when things do not go as planned or expected, when he is faced with obstacles, or when he does not get his way. Because of this behavior, you question how he would respond behind the wheel of a car if he became upset. Therefore, in order for you to gain more confidence in allowing him to get a driver's license, this behavior would have to improve.

   You would very specifically define the behavior that you want to eliminate: "When you get angry, you usually start screaming or throwing things. Each week that you do not show these behaviors, you will earn a point. When you get ten points, you may get your permit and you can take driver's education. After that happens, each week that you do not show these behaviors we will be able to practice driving for half an hour on Sunday. When you have accumulated six hours of driving time, I will let you take the test for your license." After the driver's license is obtained, use of the car could also be determined on a weekly basis by the adolescent's ability to control his temper.

3. Irresponsibility around the house. This particular teenager, for example, does not pick up after himself, or has to be told many times to clean his room or straighten up the bathroom. A child displaying this kind of behavior could earn driving privileges by showing more responsibility at home. You could specifically define what you mean by responsibility and set up a chart or keep a record of the child's behavior during the week. A similar procedure could be used as follows.
   For example, a child may be able to use the car for a total of eight hours a week. Responsibility for this child could be defined as taking care of his belongings, putting things where they belong, cleaning up after himself, and so on. This could be put on a chart. Every time the child leaves his shoes in the den, does not clean the kitchen after he eats, leaves the bathroom a mess, or performs any other behavior that has been previously defined, a mark could be placed on the chart. For every mark that was received during the week, he would lose 15 minutes of driving time. If he received 20 marks during the week, he would only be able to use the car for three hours the following week.

   Similar procedures, involving a driver's license or use of the car, could be used to modify behaviors such as fighting with siblings, insolence, or coming home on time.

Using Driving as an Incentive or a Motivator
Since driving seems to be vitally important to most teenagers, parents can use this as a motivator. This reward can actually be broken into four separate areas. Each area could be a goal, and certain behaviors could be required to attain each goal.

• Taking the written test and obtaining a learner's permit. In most states, both a written test and an actual driving test must be successfully completed in order to obtain a driver's license. If the adolescent passes the written test, she can then obtain a learner's permit, which allows her to drive with a licensed adult in the car. Once she has a learner's permit, the next incentive could be employed.

• Driving practice. The child's behavior during the week determines the amount of practice driving time she has on the weekend with her mother or father. The more cooperation she displays during the week, the longer the time she will have to practice driving.

• Taking the driving test. Once the teen has gained some driving skill, and her behavior continues to indicate that she is responsible or mature enough to handle driving, then you can allow her to take the driving test. After passing the test, the child is issued a driver's license.

• Using the car. Although the child has her driver's license, this does not necessarily mean she has unlimited use of the car. The amount of time that you allow her to use the car during the week or on the weekend could also be contingent on her behavior. If she continues to show responsible or mature behaviors in the areas that you specify, privileges could be extended. However, if the behaviors she improved to obtain the license start to diminish, you could restrict the privileges. Privileges to use the car would be granted if most of the work was completed in school, or they could be restricted or denied if the required effort was not shown.

Insurance, Gas, and Maintenance
Nowadays, a significant amount of cost is incurred if a parent decides to allow the child to use the family car. Insurance costs are high, especially if your adolescent is a male. Extra expenses for gas and maintenance are also likely to be incurred.

Whether or not the teenager should be responsible for these expenses is an individual decision and is dependent upon the family's financial situation and personal values, among other things. Some parents feel that a teenager's job is to go to school and do what he is supposed to do, and if that occurs they will be more than happy to pay for the extra insurance, gas, or repairs. Other parents feel that the child should earn the money himself. Some families cannot afford the higher cost of insurance or gasoline if a teenager drives; therefore, the child must earn the money to be able to drive.

Whether or not the family can afford the extra insurance, gas, and maintenance costs, a child should not receive the valuable privilege of driving the car in exchange for breathing. This privilege should be earned. It may not be that in order to drive, the child has to earn the actual amount of the insurance increase involved, but he may be required to show a certain level of cooperation in the home to obtain car privileges. Another child could be required to show adequate performance in school in order for his parents to continue to pay for the added insurance cost and gas.

Drinking and Driving
Too much emphasis cannot be placed on not driving when drinking. Parents can obtain valuable literature on this subject from M.A.D.D. (Mothers Against Drunk Driving), which could be shared with their teenager. Because of the seriousness of this situation and the potential danger involved, driving while under the influence of alcohol/drugs should carry a severe restriction of driving privileges.

Conclusion
Being able to earn a driver's license and drive are powerful motivators during adolescence. They can be used to the parent's positive advantage. Use of the car and driving privileges should be based on behavior, not age. Try to look for responsible and mature behaviors that indicate the child is capable enough to handle this privilege. If you feel that you cannot trust the child to drive because he is not showing appropriate behaviors in other areas, spell out exactly what he must do to earn this privilege. Monitor his behavior and give or take away the privilege consistently. He should know exactly what he has to do in order to obtain his driver's license or use the car. He should also know what he must or must not do in order to be restricted from these privileges.