Boys and Violence

by Gavin de Becker, Family Safety Expert

Violence in the Family

Gavin de Becker is a world-renowned expert on violence. Here's some of his advice for handling boys who are prone to acting out their anger through violence:

Q: Our 13-year-old son has been arrested for attempted assault on his father. He was suspended for telling a student he was going to bring a gun to school and blow everyone away (he has no access to a gun). We have him in counseling, but it doesn't seem to be helping much.

A: You note that your son "has no access to a gun," but in America, sadly, that just isn't so. Read more...

Violence at School

Q: I'm a high-school student and I really don't feel that police in the schools will help. I could probably point out about 50 kids that would be candidates for a killer. Many kids honor those Columbine killers. I don't feel scared, but I'm worried about the next group of kids that comes in and loves death. Does any of this make sense to you?

A: Yes, it all makes sense, and you offer some real wisdom. Most schools have responded to the Littleton tragedy by improving real estate, instead of improving education. The buildings have been enhanced with cameras and locks, and armed police are roaming the halls.

But Littleton had cameras, and armed police — and neither detected the upcoming violence or prevented the tragedy. Read more...

Violence in Friendships

Q: I'm a 15-year-old schoolgoer in England, writing about a fellow student. He's smart and funny, but when he loses his temper, he talks with his fists. I know he regrets how he loses control when he gets mad.

A: This friend of yours is troubled. His regret after his bad behavior is absolutely irrelevant. His regret is what keeps you hooked on the image of him as the person you want him to be (smart and funny, a normal guy). Read more...

Violence in Romantic Relationships

Q: How can I convince my daughter that her boyfriend is violent?

A: When it comes to your daughter's well-being, your gut feeling is more than enough, but I'll add some more. The lesson for your daughter is this: Persistence only proves persistence -- it does not prove love. Read more...

What Causes Teen Violence?

Q: What is the number one, most common reason for teenage violence?

A: I have found that identifying any single or leading cause for human behavior is counter-productive. While we can discuss a single feature in a person's history that encourages violence, the reality is that all the factors exercise influence on people together. Read more...