Talking About Family Vacations
by Carleton KendrickFamily vacations can be relaxing, adventurous, and joyful -- a special time to be playful and to experience each other differently, away from home. Family vacations can also be disasters -- replete with whining children, family bickering, and bad weather.
Realistic expectations and careful planning are the keys to an enjoyable family vacation. Involving your kids in the planning -- even younger children -- builds excitement and makes them feel valued.
The Words You Need
Spread out the blanket for a family picnic. It's an ideal setting for your kick-off planning discussion. Here are suggestions to get the conversation heading in the right direction.
The Words: "What special things would you like to do on our vacation?"
The Reason: Kids' expectations and interests need to be part of your planning. They, like you, will look forward to a vacation where they can do things they enjoy. If your children are unfamiliar with your destination's child-oriented attractions, try to describe them in words and pictures.
Don't demand a specific "to do" list from kids. They may change their minds about what they want to do once they check out these spots in person. What's important is that your children know their enjoyment is a big focus of your vacation planning.
The Words: "What do you want to eat on vacation?"
The Reason: In case you've forgotten, food is always a big deal to kids. If kids won't have access to their favorite foods on vacation, you could be in big trouble. Assuring them that they'll visit familiar franchise restaurants will alleviate their apprehension. You may want to consider accommodations that feature kitchenettes. And bringing your own food on the road can save you from "there's nothing on this menu that I like" episodes.
Don't expect your kids to sample the "native cuisine" merely because you think it would be educational. Loosen up your healthy eating rules! Indulging in a little junk food/comfort food won't hurt them.
The Words: "How should we find out more about where we're going?"
The Reason: Encouraging your children to join in the researching of vacation destinations and travel routes makes them feel like important members of the "family planning team." Use as many resources as possible to trigger your planning discussions:
- Maps -- Kids can help you highlight your route and pencil-in your pit stops
- Travel videos -- Many libraries and travel agencies stock them
- Travel books and brochures -- Look for picture books about travelling for your younger kids
- The Internet -- Your kids can help you find travel websites.
The Words: "What do you think you'll remember as the best times of our vacation?"
The Reason: I call this uncommon technique "remembering your future." It encourages people to focus, in detail, on the best possible things that could happen at a time in the future. If they can imagine and articulate these projected memories, it increases the chances that they'll make them come true. And there's an added benefit: This technique can help you spare your children the disappointment of unrealistic expectations.
Conversation Tips
Don't discuss your vacation plans in earnest with your young kids until one to two weeks before departure. No matter how excited they may seem about your vacation, they will experience some unspoken anxieties about the upcoming disruption of their secure, everyday life. They'll be worried about whether they'll be able to sleep in hotel beds without their stuffed animals, whether they'll be too scared to fly on an airplane, or if anything will happen to their pet hamster when they're gone. Minimize the time your kids have to consider these worries.
Beyond the Rap
Make sure to value your own vacation needs as much as your children's. If you're traveling with your spouse or other adults, plan on alternating times when you're responsible for the children so that you can get some private time to read, sightsee, and relax. If you take care of your own needs, your kids will have a much more agreeable, relaxed parent to enjoy.
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