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Working Mothers: Organizing Your Life

As a working mother you'll be juggling two jobs: your duties at home and at your job. That's a demanding schedule even when you have emotional and financial support from others. Typically, it's inflexible job schedules that create much of the pressure on two-career families. The mutual support so necessary to a good marriage and family becomes more difficult when each partner is overextended. Because everyone has needs, they can be met successfully only by striking the right balance. The best way to deal with the stress you're under is for both of you to learn how to share the responsibilities of your busy life.

Tips for Successful Task-Sharing at Home

1. Identify priorities—First and foremost, you need to identify what tasks take priority and where potential sources of conflict lie. This requires both of you to know the other's schedule by using a family calendar. The keys to success lie in keeping focused and in maintaining a balance between work life and home life.
2. Be organized—For working couples, organization means the difference between function and dysfunction. When you have a system, you avoid wasting precious time and energy. You accomplish more, are more effective, and live an easier life because you're more in control.
3. Keep communication open—Try to keep a constant flow of communication between you, even when busy schedules make that very difficult. Communication is a learned skill. Practice it until it becomes second nature.
4. Negotiate solutions—Discuss how all the duties, baby care, and household chores will be divided. Approach the search for solutions with an open mind. Smooth negotiations are bound to lead to happy outcomes. They may not be the solutions you had expected, but the best interests of your family have been served.
5. Be adaptable—Not only do you need to rearrange priorities now that you're a mother, but you also need to be more adaptable than every before. For example, you both need a short period of relaxation at the end of the workday. Then the pressure of baby care and preparing dinner won't seem as great. You can't do it together, though, when a small, demanding child is around. So take turns on alternate days to read a newspaper or catch forty winks. At least one of you will feel more relaxed every other day. Contentment will be yours when you share the load. You will have broken away from stereotyped roles and will have negotiated new ones.
6. Remember that the tasks you're so busy "getting through" (e.g., eating, bathing, bedtime) are what memories are made of—Become more mindful of the passing moment, instead of trying to push your kids through their days.

Ten Steps to Accomplishing Your Goals at Home
Going back to work as a new mother takes very detailed planning. To be successful both at work and at home, you need to be organized. Getting organized isn't difficult if you approach it one step at a time. Here is a step-by-step plan for keeping organized at home:

1. Analyze the task assignments—Think about whether you're satisfied with the way the work is shared. Work an equitable assignment of functions so that you aren't overwhelmed with the whole job after a long day at work. Eliminate unnecessary tasks and hire out others.
2. Save time by spending a little more money—In the long run, you have only two things to spend-time and money. If you want to save on one, you'll have to spend the other. Therefore, think seriously about buying labor-saving devices; for example, a microwave oven or a dishwasher.
3. Keep a calendar—Use a large wall calendar to keep track of everything on the schedule. Have a short conference each week with your partner to go over the next week's activities.
4. Make lists—Make a list of weekly tasks and cross them off as they're completed. You'll be surprised how well this system brings order out of chaos.
5. Look for shortcuts—Most chores, both at home and at work, lend themselves to shortcuts. Some jobs can be cut down; some can be done less perfectly. Do a general pick-up the night before, and the next day's house-cleaning will be more manageable. To put a twist on a popular business saying-if it ain't dirty, don't clean it.
6. Respect differences—You may have to teach your partner how to do some jobs. But once you've done that, stand back and allow him to do it in his own way. Be generous with praise.
7. Work with small blocks of time—Complete small tasks or nibble away at large jobs in small blocks of time. Learn not to be upset if you have to stop in the middle of something.
8. Be orderly as you do each task—Train yourself to work from left to right and top to bottom. Stand in one place while you're cleaning and do everything within reach before moving on to another position.
9. Learn to do two things at once—Read your baby a story while you're waiting for the wash to finish. Talk to a friend on the phone while you're cooking dinner. Plan your errands so that everything in one neighborhood is done in the same trip. Write a quick note to a friend while waiting for a client.
10. Save time and eat well at work and home—Shop and plan meals that will make you more efficient and increase your leisure hours.

Making the Most of Time with Your Baby
While the catch phrase "quality time" means many things to many people, studies reveal that babies need be exposed to caring parental interest for only about one hour a day in order to thrive. This research proves that the length of time babies spend without their mothers counts far less than the quality of the time spent with them. Love should never be measured according to time. Love is what you put into time, no matter how little you have.

Dos and Don'ts for Quality Baby Time
Quality time doesn't have to involve elaborate entertainment. It simply means making the beginning and end of each day together something special and intimate. It's more than a spotless house, and it should come before any worries about the job. This is the time to enjoy being a parent. There are many pleasurable things you can do, and some things you should avoid, including:

• Do sing, talk softly, or hum on the way to and from child care to create an atmosphere of fun and serenity.
• Do use animated gestures when you speak, and smile often. Ask questions and make eye contact.
• Do read often to your baby. It helps language development, and it's a great opportunity for physical closeness. An infant enjoys just having pictures explained.
• Do have spontaneous play. Just get down on the floor and follow whatever your child is doing.
• Don't tune out your child. Always take your child's feelings seriously; really listen.
• Don't over program. Evening time together should be simple, relaxing, satisfying experiences. Your child doesn't expect to be constantly entertained. Stop at a park in daylight or take a short stroller ride around the block.
• Don't feel that you must give undivided attention at all times. You can continue with your activities while you're talking. Share some daily tasks when your child is old enough. For example, provide toy cookware while you're preparing dinner. Or take a bath together.
• Don't equate quality time with absence of discipline or limits.
• Don't feel guilty because your time together is not like a greeting-card commercial.

Keeping Your Marriage Fresh
Working couples who want to make their marriages work too, should make time for one another aside from all the other details of parenthood. Focus on placing your special time together high on your priority list. Keeping the spark alive will take effort at times, but you know that the rewards will be worth it. Keep the following points in mind:

• Reflect on what you're learning together—To nurture your relationship and keep communication open, discuss from time to time the positive things you're learning as parents. It'll boost your self-esteem and sense of satisfaction too. At the end of a working day, don't greet each other with negative news. Wait until a quiet time when everyone is relaxed.
• Find time for special moments—Eliminate unproductive or repetitive activities in order to make time for yourselves. Let the clean laundry go unfolded occasionally. Pour two glasses of wine and turn the lights down low. Or ask a friend, coworker, or family member to baby sit for a couple hours so you can have a romantic getaway.
• Set aside a problem resolution time—Have specific blocks of time when you discuss child-related issues with your partner. Keep it separate from your fun time together as a couple.
• Cultivate common interests—Don't lose sight of the fact that parenthood is just one aspect of your marriage and not the whole expression. Find interests, friends, and activities you can share as a couple at least once a week. Try to get away one weekend every few months.
• Learn to say no—The time you save by eliminating needless tasks could be used for strengthening your marriage bonds.
• Be thoughtful—Send notes to each other expressing your feelings. Considerate, unexpected gifts do wonders for a relationship. Call during your lunch hour to say hello.

Accomplishing Your Goals at Work
Planning ahead and being organized are essential to your continued success on the job. The following are easy-to-follow tips for staying organized at work:

1. Work productively—List your tasks in advance for the week. Stay focused and start each day with your priorities in mind. Whatever isn't finished at the end of the day should be done first thing the next morning.
2. Carry a calendar—Divide each page in half: one side for business, and the other for home.
3. Schedule the most demanding activities during the time of day when you have the greatest energy—Whether it's a high-pressure sales call or attending a "Mommy & Me" class with your baby, make sure you are up for the challenge. Try to leave at least 10 percent of your schedule open each day to accommodate "emergencies" such as pulling together a last-minute presentation or taking your sick baby to the doctor.
4. Make a master list—Not just a "To do" list, but a list that notes every single task and appointment-from the names and numbers of people to call to the status of current work projects to taking your baby in for a doctor's appointment to dropping off dry cleaning-that will use up the time in your day. Ask yourself what is the most important thing you need to do now and do it. And then check off your list. Pinpoint the time wasters: Things you don't really need to do at all, things you can put off, things other people can do for you.
5. Say No—It's nice to be needed but your time is at a premium now. Recognize when and to whom you can say no and practice exercising that option as often as possible.
6. Keep a sense of humor—It will help you like nothing else to enjoy the good moments and weather the bad.
7. Don't bring your baby to the office while you work on Saturdays too often—When you do, spend some time interacting with him afterward (go for a walk, etc).

Transitioning from Work to Home

• Prepare yourself, mentally and physically, for your arrival home—Make a list of work tasks for your next day in order to free your mind from them. Plan ahead to finish at work that which can't wait until the next day before you leave the office. You'll be more emotionally available for your family when you're at home. Cultivate a work-free zone in your mind, so when your workday is over, your mind is free. You'll be more fun to be with, plus you'll feel more refreshed to tackle your work when you return to the office.
• Ease your daily reunion—Avoid coming into your child's day-care center in a big hurry. You're changing the demeanor of calm that's been established all day. You've been gone all day, and now all of a sudden you're rushing her.
• On the ride home yield to your child's preferred style—Some like to chat or chatter, but don't push. You might bring a light snack in the car, let your child pick the music, or talk about what's up for the evening.
• Schedule the most demanding activities during the time of day when you have the greatest energy—Whether it's a high-pressure sales call or attending a "Mommy & Me" class with your baby, make sure you are up for the challenge. Try to leave at least 10 percent of your schedule open each day to accommodate "emergencies" such as pulling together a last-minute presentation or taking your sick baby to the doctor.
• Make a master list—Not just a "To do" list, but a list that notes every single task and appointment—from the names and numbers of people to call to the status of current work projects to taking your baby in for a doctor's appointment to dropping off dry cleaning—that will use up the time in your day. Ask yourself what is the most important thing you need to do now and do it. And then check off your list. Pinpoint the time wasters: Things you don't really need to do at all, things you can put off, things other people can do for you.
• Say No—It's nice to be needed but your time is at a premium now. Recognize when and to whom you can say no and practice exercising that option as often as possible.
• Keep a sense of humor—It will help you like nothing else to enjoy the good moments and weather the bad.
• Once through the front door, take it slow and easy—Sudden dramatic shifts can discombobulate young children. Give at least a tiny amount of full attention to your baby right away—if he wants it. But then take care of yourself for a few minutes. Plan for a drink, a snack, checking the mail, and a brief snuggle on the couch.
• Continue to breast-feed—After you've returned to work, breast-feeding helps you transition from your working day to your family time.
• Soak away stress—Move bath time to evening transition time. Taking a bath with your baby will work wonders and free up the after-dinner hour for other activities.
• Get casual—Change into something comfortable when you get home so that you become a cuddly mom rather than a uptight businesswoman. It will help your kids feel secure that you're in for the night. Ask your baby for help choosing your "play clothes."
• Designate a particular activity for transition hour every day—Set up a game, a puzzle, or a craft. Or have the whole family take a short de-stressing walk before dinner.